Stream of Consciousness

I write how I think.

Writing the rest of #Wikipedia on a typewriter...

Writing the rest of #Wikipedia on a typewriter. KGB style (Photo credit: Jared Zimmerman)

I was having a conversation about writing style today in someone’s comments. (She’s excellent, you should stop by some time.) It got me thinking a little harder than normal about my own writing style.

I tend to write how I think. I also tend to think best out loud. So by default, I guess you could say that I write how I talk. I can see that. I think that it’s just the way that I settle into.

I write how I think because I want you reading it to feel like I’m doing this in a natural way. I’m not forcing a particular structure or anything on you. I’m not over editing what I have previously written. I just kind of start writing and see where the words take me.

That’s how I speak. That’s how I think. that’s how I am.

I just feel like I’m being the most honest and genuine person with you that I can be. Sometimes that results in strange and unfocused writing. Sorry about that. I’m a strange and unfocused person. When you come here to read what I’ve written, I like to think you’re getting an accurate sense of the real me. I’m not trying to give you an online persona to connect with.

I just got to thinking about it. Which then made me analyze my own writing style, which made me realize how much I enjoy just being myself here.

Feel free to stop back. Oh and tell your friends.

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Jeans Weather!

Yes!

Jeans weather is here! I can finally stop wearing those pants impostors that people call “shorts.” It’s about time.

Closeup of a copper rivet on blue jeans.

Closeup of a copper rivet on blue jeans. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I’ve always preferred jeans to any other leg covering. They’re better than shorts, khakis, pajama pants, and slacks. The only thing that might be on par with jeans would be the pants from an excellent suit, but only when paired with the matching excellent jacket.

Knowing my love for jeans, allow me to also mention that my legs are not what most people would call “attractive.” They are moderately shapely(only in the calf area), pale and hairy.  I’m not really hurting anyone’s feelings going back into full-length leg coverings here.

I’m sorry, I got a little excited and had to gush. I know it kind of goes with some of my other recent fall posts, but overall was generally kind of pointless. I’m a little short on ideas right at the moment.

It stems from the fact that fall always seems to be the busiest part of my life no matter what happens. Work gets busy, The Wife starts teaching again, and pretty much everything happens to us in the fall. My brain has entered it’s yearly state of being on constant alert for…something.

It’s a little like an extension of my tendency to get overwhelmed with things. Everything seems to be getting busier and I have very little ability to extricate the busy items from one another. I can’t decide if discovering this particular quirk of my personality is helpful or not yet.

The quirk in question(say that 5 times fast!) is my major tendency to have to slowly ease into and out of things. I mean everything. Ideas, moods, energy levels, interests. The exception that proves the rule here is that when I’m very interested in something, I binge on it. Like my current obsession with Power Metal. I am eyeball deep in nothing but Heavy Metal at the moment(musically speaking, of course.) For everything else, I take much longer than is normal or reasonable to work up to or down from things. I take a long time to get in a frame of mind to, let’s say be busy all day at work.

It takes me a couple of weeks of increasing business before I am able to handle the increasing amount of separate projects without collapsing. When this isn’t a smooth increase in amount, I tend to get very frustrated very quickly. It also takes me a couple of weeks to ease down from the high level of work. I spend days thinking I’ve forgotten to do something, because I’d been so busy just the week prior.

I’m not sure if knowing about this is really any benefit. Life happens at it’s own pace, and I have very little input about what needs my attention/presence and when. People also don’t seem to care that I need a little extra time to gear myself up for certain things.

Oh well, I suppose since I’m not even 30 yet, things aren’t likely to get any easier or more understanding from here on out. Any suggestions on how to switch gears more easily would be appreciated.

My Whimsy

I’m feeling exceptionally whimsical today.

Felt food Easter cookies

Felt food Easter cookies (Photo credit: ivers)

Don’t have a panic attack I’m not going to go into my deep person feelings about why I’m whimsical. I just got to thinking about what a weird concept ‘whimsy’ is once you get to be an adult.

 

  1. whim·sy

    /ˈ(h)wimzē/

    Noun
    1. Playfully quaint or fanciful behavior or humor.
    2. A whim.
    Synonyms
    whim – caprice – fancy – vagary – fad – whimsey

 

As a kid, whimsy is practically the default setting. Everything gets approached as new, fun or a game. Things aren’t thought out. Everything happens very spur of the moment as a child.

I love this feeling. As a child, you do what you want when you want. Within the rules of course. It’s a very free feeling. Kids do need and appreciate some structure, and I get that. Daydreaming and being spontaneous are the beauty of childhood though.

That all tends to go away as an adult. Everything is scheduled for you. All of your time is no longer your own. Daydreaming and spontaneous action is usually considered immature.

I love feeling playful and spontaneous, wild and fun. I love to daydream and do weird or silly things just for fun. That’s probably why I seem so at home in Toys R Us. I don’t really care.

So is anyone else feeling exceptionally whimsical today? Maybe you should be!

Something to Believe

I was having a discussion with a friend of mine, and we got to talking about things like totems and spirit animals. I was trying to think what sort of topic it got me interested in blogging

English: Totems at Fort Wrangel, 1880s

English: Totems at Fort Wrangel, 1880s (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

about. I knew there had to be something because it just kept nagging at me. I finally figured it out; We all need something to believe.

Not limited to religious or spiritual beliefs, I think we all need something to put greater belief in. I know some people will put that belief in an idea or a philosophy. Some people will put that belief in a higher power, whatever spirituality or religion that might be. Some people might put that belief in a person or a group. Some people might even be content to put that belief in an emotion. What we believe in doesn’t matter anywhere near as much as the fundamental thought that we NEED something to put our belief in.

It helps us to deal with major life problems, and it helps up feel like we have direction. Holding firm beliefs in anything lends a steady influence and a comfort to all that we do.They allow us to act on a day to day basis without a constant questioning of our own existence.

I hold lots of beliefs, and I desire for many more to be true. I believe that on a personal level, everything happens for a reason. Not so much in the predestined higher power sense, but more in the things don’t just happen by random chance sense. I also believe that most religions are so closely related on their basic levels that what you believe is less important than the influence that it has on your actions.

I would identify as Christian, but I greatly respect the resolution of a dedicated Muslim who observes all the prayer times. I desire the peaceful mind of a Buddhist who meditates regularly. I admire the atheist whose beliefs are at odds with many religions and manages to stand firm. I find many people allow their religion or other spiritual beliefs to inform their actions in such positive ways.

I also see people who put more stock in things like emotions. People who are committed to a belief in true love and soul mates. People who value loyalty before anything else. These people also have a strong focus that directs their actions.

I just got to thinking about how important it is for all of us to have something, no matter how small, that affects us on a deep level. Knowing how we feel, knowing what we accept and believe to be true, makes everything else seem less daunting.

What is it that you believe in?

This Is My Jam!

This is my favorite weather ever. I love it. I do wish it were a little less severe at the moment.

06022012 Storm structure

06022012 Storm structure (Photo credit: StormLoverSwin93)

I know I have previously mentioned things like, I love the rain, I want to live in a cave, I hate the sun, and I’m a hermit. I like the wind, I like the fall and the spring.I absolutely love how the weather feels when it’s changing seasons. I love being able to feel that new season on the wind, and smell it in the air. All of that is wonderful, but this summer thunderstorm weather is just the best.

I love the feeling of the change in weather. I feel like a wise old man, and a king saying out loud “A storm is coming.” I like feeling the wind pick up, the chill that it brings. I like the damp and the smell of rain just over the horizon. The best feeling is standing there in the warm weather with the wind whipping around you as those first fat, warm raindrops begin to splatter on the ground. As the skies open up and that torrent comes rushing down, everything seems to stop for a moment. It’s very much like Mother Nature is kindly reminding us that we have no dominion over the elements.

I don’t like all the other things that come with storms. The damaging winds, the downed power lines, the hail or God forbid a tornado. I don’t like when people get stuck out in it, or it ruins an outdoor activity. I don’t like the traffic and accidents it causes. I love the storm itself.

So as I sit here waiting to see how much of this crazy weather I will get where I happen to live, I’m smiling. I’m going to go stand on the porch and just listen when I finish writing this. Later, I’m going to go to bed and feel safe as Mother Nature unleashes her fury on the world outside. I love summer storms.

Oh, Snap!

I just realized something! I didn’t write anything on Monday either!(yes it’s already Thursday and I’m that dense. Sue me.)

I left all you poor people out in the cold without anything new to read, written by me that is, for 4 whole day and I am very sorry abou- HAHAHA I can’t even type that with a straight face. It took all my willpower not to burst out in hysterical laughter on this end of the computer.

I know that I write for me, and you guys are along for the ride. Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride though it may be. I appreciate having you all here to offer insight or advice. It’s nice to be typing and knowing that SOMEONE will eventually read it. I’m not just sending these posts off into empty space.

Until someone tells me otherwise, I’m really only letting myself down by not writing everyday(Weekday. Weekends are for partying!Or napping. Mostly napping) I just want to push myself to put something out there, for you and for me, everyday so that I don’t treat this like any other project I give up on after a couple weeks.

The lunatics have taken over the Asylum

The lunatics have taken over the Asylum (Photo credit: phill.d)

It’s important to me that I use this to explore deeper themes, and to put up nonsensical pictures of myself. I want to write tiny bits of fiction, and whole stories that I share here. I want all this to be in the same place because that’s all of me. I am deep and philosophical. I am wacky and insane. I am scarred and I am radiantly beautiful. I am flawed and perfect in my incompleteness.

I am all of these things in whatever crazy combination they happen to take. That’s why I started this, and that’s why I came back to it. That’s why I titled it “Inkling of Asylum”. This is that safe place where what will be, will be and I’m just going to see where it goes.

You’re welcome to come along.

Fin.

So I’m trying this new thing, where either I give a friend of mine an idea, then he draws something then I write, or I take a drawing of his that he already did, and write about it. Here’s the spectacular art.

Copyright Eric Meister 2013

Click on that bad boy to go to his Tumblr and see more artwork so that when he’s famous, you can say “I knew him when…from a blog from that famous writer that I knew back when.” It’s convoluted. Sorry.

This particular drawing reminds me a bit of a quote I read recently as well:

“Sorrow prepares you for joy. It violently sweeps everything out of your house, so that new joy can find space to enter. It shakes the yellow leaves from the bough of your heart, so that fresh, green leaves can grow in their place. It pulls up the rotten roots, so that new roots hidden beneath have room to grow. Whatever sorrow shakes from your heart, far better things will take their place.”
― Rumi

Another good friend of mine directed me to some quotes from the English translations of that poet. She thought that it might give me a little insight into someone else who thinks a bit like I do, or I think like him. Whatever.

This little skeleton certainly doesn’t look too upset that he’s not a living person anymore, does he? His expression seems whimsical, and combining that with his stature makes me think that maybe he used to be a little boy. He doesn’t look very sad about previously being a little boy and currently being a skeleton because he’s accepting of the changes going on. He is excited for the new things that change will bring about. He has accepted that sorrow has swept out the house and he is waiting for new things to grow.

That’s why he doesn’t look sad. That’s why he’s waiting with his hand bones on his thigh bones. That’s why he looks so content next to that leaf that seems to contain more sadness in it’s cup-like shape that he does even though he’s no longer living.

How many of us can truly say that? How many of us, still living, with few cares in the world(relatively speaking of course) can say that we’ve accepted the sorrow and are ready for the positive change it has made room for? I certainly can’t.

I am not one to let things go. I have never been the kind of person who lets something like sorrow or anger fill me up and then let it all drain out. I am the kind of man who experiences his emotions deeply, and I try to process them. After that is all done, what is left is a processed, concentrated bit of that emotion. I bottle that concentrated sadness and that concentrated anger and that concentrated fear and I save it. I put a stopper in the bottle, and I label it, and I put it on the shelf. What happens to glass bottles when the shelf gets shaken? They crack and maybe leak a little.

Everyone is created by the events that occurred in their past. We are all formed, sculpted, cast, and forged by the events that make up our lives to this very point. Any time anything happens, it creates a point of divergence where any of the possible outcomes could have resulted in a change to the over product that is us. Some people let these moments flow through them. Some people keep that history in them as scars. Some people flow with those moments. I bottle those moments and their emotions, and when that foundation is shaken later on, some of them begin to seep back out.

It would all be so  much simpler if we could let our sorrow sweep us clean for the new things to grow. That takes leaving the doors and windows open for the wind to do the sweeping. It’s hard to leave yourself that open. Can you?