It feels like I’ve been chewin’ on tinfoil. (bonus points if you know where that’s from)
I know that I haven’t been around. There’s a reason for that. I also know that that the only person that feels like I’m letting them down is me.
I have had some things going on outside of the blog, that have required my attention. I think I can also say that they are going to continue to require a great deal of my attention. I also think these are things that are best dealt with in their own space and time.
English: The spotlight model of attention. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
That would be why I had been less verbose than before. I may also continue to have less to post than my previous everyday schedule. A large part of this also comes from my growing concern that I was just throwing fluff up on the internet for people to read.
When I first started here, I was able to post opinions, musings, and worldviews that seemed as if they needed to be shared. I had something to say every day, and the responsibility and routine of that was very nice for me. Now that some of those musings have slowed down a little bit, I don’t really want to be forcing something on to the page that just isn’t worth reading, writing, or sharing.
That’s why I’m thinking that I’m not going to commit to a firm schedule for writing here, but I’m also not giving up. I am going to ATTEMPT to write 2 or 3 times a week. I admit that this may not always happen. I will say that if it isn’t happening, it has more to do with not having something to say than it does laziness in regards to posting.
In case you were wondering, I will probably still be writing a few things, but they may not be for posting. I will continue to work on things to share here though, in addition to musings. There may still be the occasional poem or story.
Now on to an actual musing to kick this thing off right!
I have been listening to a podcast called Stuff To Blow Your Mind. I’ve been listening for awhile, but the most recent one happened to mention some things that I’d been pondering a bit anyway. They were referencing reincarnation and some of the different interpretations of it.
One of those viewpoints is that reincarnation can exist as a metaphor to our daily life. That how we act and react from moment to moment can set the stage or establish a pattern for the next and subsequent moments. That sort of tied into something that has been bouncing around in my head. People frequently say that a way to improve your outlook on life is simply to decide to be positive. I struggle mightily with this sort of thing.
I have been striving to be more positive, and more importantly, not be so hard on myself when I feel that I have made a mistake. I’ve been pushing that much harder recently, and it can sometimes create a bit of a feedback loop. Example A: I forget to do something that I said I would. I then get upset with myself for forgetting to do that thing. I then get upset with myself for getting upset with myself. Feedback loop.
When something like that starts to happen, I find myself wondering how it is that one could simply decide to be more positive about the whole thing. How am I supposed to just DECIDE to not be so hard on myself? I understand and can buy into the idea that your approach to situations can color how you handle them. I just can’t figure out how to simply change that approach.
I guess it was just one of those things that struck a chord and got me wondering.
Inkling of Asylum 
I was listening to something recently (probably Oprah’s life class or something…sorry) and the discussion was on an interesting perspective regarding conscious decisions to change something in your life.
It was that, there is a kind of Murphy’s Law (that’s me saying it, not them) when it comes to making change; that is, when you decide to change something, the world will challenge you in greater frequency on that very situation… and the “expert” was saying that these challenges were the result of the “sympathetic” and “encouraging” universe to present you with the opportunity to re-state your intentions to change…. ie, you decide to try to be more patient, and every day, increasingly annoying situations arise which test your new decision.
This is, according to that expert dude, not a bad thing, or bad luck, or bad karma… rather, it is good, and you have to change your thinking to believe that the challenges are good, rather than “tests.” (though they do seem to be..)
I suppose it’s a “nice” way of translating the whole “when it rains, it pours” scenario, but it did give me pause, and I’m going to try to adopt that thought process. It’s not “tests”, it’s “chance” and “opportunity” to remember my reasons for wanting to change.
And, uh, they said it way better.
x
You said it pretty well. I hadn’t noticed it in precisely this way, but you’re correct: the situations which test your new-found resolve seem to pop up most frequently immediately after making a conscious decision. I’m sure it’s just like when you’re car shopping, and start noticing how many of the EXACT car you were thinking of getting are in your area.
When you’re paying attention to something, it more frequently enters your realm of focus. I might find it difficult to look at those sorts of things a ‘opportunities’ simply because I tend to see things tinged in a slightly negative light. I’m sure that doesn’t help the case here. I will attempt to pay attention to how this might work to re-concentrate on a decision that has already been made, though.
Well, it’s almost like a joke, really…. because the whole expert view is an attempt to make you think positively…in your case… about thinking positively. I guess you can look at it as a double “blessing” or “challenge….” Or, at the very least, you can laugh at it. And laughing, in general, is usually pretty good.
Very true. I definitely think that our outlook can affect our results, but sometimes the way people talk about it, it’s like we all ought to just decide we want something, then it will happen. I decide I want to be rich. In a week I’ll be rich! Except it doesn’t exactly go that way… Haha