a baseball game

a baseball game (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Going to a Baseball game tonight!

We have previously been rained out, and this is a make up game for it. It’s been a little rainy all day. This is unfortunate.

Regardless, we will persevere! Fun will be had! Hot Dogs will be eaten!

I’m really just trying to be as obnoxiously positive as possible here.


EDIT: Posting this to yesterday as a testament to my actually having written what I did then.

Looking Forward

I’m looking forward to being a corpse.

Yoga postures Shavasana

Yoga postures Shavasana (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Corpse pose that is. (HA!)

I know I’ve talked about yoga before, and I’m trying not to make this blog all about my adventures at yoga class, but I felt like today it was particularly apropos.

The last thing that we do in yoga class is called Shavasana. It translates roughly to “Corpse Pose.” We do it to be able to relax all the muscles we’ve been using, to practice our focusing, and practice breathing. It’s typically my favorite part.

Yes, go ahead and laugh about the irony of the lazy kid’s favorite part being the part where I lay there and do nothing for 10-15 minutes. <pause for laughter> Honestly, though, what I like about it is when I am really able to focus on letting things go, fully relax my body, focus on my breathing and really find a place of peace. It’s a very centering experience.

I know at least one of you is dismissing me as being a new age hippie weirdo. I promise it’s not like that. I find that when I’m able to do what I’m supposed to do; relax my body and mind, and focus on watching those anxious thoughts flit by instead of dwelling on them, I really leave class feeling refreshed, relaxed and energized.

I’ve mentioned that I get over-anxious about my schedule. I dwell on things I have no control over. Generally the cause of most of my anxiety is inside my own head. I’ve tried meditation before, and it typically results in me falling asleep. Working out does not remove my stress because I spend the whole time thinking in silence and sweating. Which makes me anxious and sweaty. So yoga is the first thing that has really given me something that allows me to let go.

I’m not always able to get myself focused on my breathing and get as deeply relaxed as I would like to, but I’ve been doing better. I’m really trying to make the effort to do this correctly. So for those of you keeping track, I have stuck with this for nearly a month(freaking unheard of), I’m putting effort into doing it properly(generally I just keep doing it however I usually do it), and I’m enjoying the time I spend doing these.

I’m telling you, if you have trouble finding something to help you shake off the troubles of the everyday grind, yoga or meditation might work out for you. Not trying to force anyone, but It has made a difference for me, and I’m not known for making big changes. I’m a Taurus after all.

Well, after all that, I’ve had a shitty couple days, so I’m really looking forward to spending 10 minutes or so acting like a corpse. If this turns into a zombie movie, I am going to be highly disappointed.


Are you looking forward to anything relaxing? Got anything to help you decompress on the horizon?


4 Things My Childhood Screwed Up.

I thought a short list might suit me today. So, here we go!

This week's plan to do list

This week’s plan to do list (Photo credit: the green gables)

Things my childhood ill-prepared me for:

1) Relationships do NOT happen like Disney movies.

Not every woman wants to be treated like a damsel-in-distress every minute of every day. They do not need you acting upon what you think is best for them all the time. They don’t appreciate the assumption that your job is to fix all their problems. They do not sing their feelings. Most importantly, it does not always end well. Some relationships just aren’t meant to be. It doesn’t always matter who loved whom how much. Sometimes it just doesn’t work.

2) School is nothing like work.

About the only thing that school and work share, is the fact that you don’t get to choose when to go, when to leave, or what you’re doing. The rest of it isn’t even remotely the same. School is very structured and task-oriented. Work isn’t usually like that. You usually have 6 things to do, all of which needed done yesterday, and no one is ever happy with the result. Nearly every project is like a group project where you have to do all the work. If they graded work, we would all fail.

3) No one has the same group of friends forever.

I blame sitcoms. Especially the ones aimed at young adults. They told me I would have 3-5 friends and we would be the best group ever, all the time. Not so. People grow up, things change and everyone goes their separate ways eventually. There’s no reunion show where everyone meets up and it’s just like old times.

4) Not every situation requires a hero.

Every book, Movie, TV show and Video Game told me that I was the hero. I was good at everything. It was my job to save the world! Sometimes, it’s just your job to clean the fuzzy shit out of the brush bar on the vacuum. Sometimes, it’s your job to dump spoiled milk down the drain. Sometimes you spill hot water on your bare feet and burn them. Not every situation is glamorous, and you can’t always be a hero.

I’m sure there are more things but I realized reading a different list this morning that my childhood lied to me a lot.

Anything your childhood didn’t adequately prepare you for?

Itch to scratch

I’ve got a wicked itch to play video games. I mean PLAY video games. You have no idea what I’m talking about. STORY TIME!

I’ve been playing video games fro as long as I can remember. Some of my first memories revolve around sitting in my playroom on a beanbag chair watching Eureka’s Castle, or playing on my Nintendo Entertainment System(NES). When I went to the babysitter’s house, before and after kindergarten, and all through the summer, we played Mega Man 2, or swam in the pool. I wanted more Mega Man. 

At one point in my childhood, between my mother’s house, my grandmother’s house, and my father’s house, I had an NES, a SEGA Genesis, an Atari 2600, a Super Nintendo(SNES), a Nintendo Gameboy, and a SEGA Game Gear. I was a bit spoiled. I’m sure that in no way factors into my current lack of impulse control and lack on financial responsibility.<insert eyeroll here>

I watched people play games, and I found watching people play them almost as exciting. Sitting in someone’s living room playing and watching video games is probably the thing that I did the most over the course of my childhood. Not playing outside, not using my imagination. It was video games, and reading.

I used to play soccer. I was pretty good and I really enjoyed that. When I was 9, I was diagnosed with Legg-Calve Perthes. My father and step mother noticed I was limping a lot during a soccer game. After a trip to the ER, a referral to an Orthopedic Surgeon and lots of x-rays, it was determined that I needed to be on crutches and in traction. No weight on my left leg. That kind of put a damper on any possible desire to enjoy the outdoors. It was a pretty small desire, mind you, but I really did enjoy soccer, I swear. I practiced at home and everything.

This diagnosis only cemented the reading and video game thing. They have been my two favorite activities for quite some time now, well into my adult life. I purchased a video game at midnight in college. I skipped class to go buy and play a new video game on release day. My good buddy and I once had to stay at college through a spring break and we spent the first day playing Def Jam: Icon for 16 hours straight. We stopped only for food. The bulk of which was delivered to us.

THAT’S what I mean when I say I’ve got an itch to play some video games. I have always been a binge gamer. Not necessarily at the expense of any responsibility. It’s just that my chosen way to enjoy games involves large chunks of time. That doesn’t happen much anymore.

As a mostly-responsible adult, I just don’t have the time to sit down in front of a PC or TV for 10-14 hours in a stretch. This has given me the opportunity to appreciate games that favor smaller bites of gameplay. I’m grateful for that, since I’m a creature of habit and wouldn’t normally expand my playing options. 

Sometimes, I really just want to binge on games without feeling guilty about wasting time. I need a gamecation!


Do you have any hobbies or activities that you need to take a vacation to do?

I Think it’s Working, You Guys!

When I started this blog, I just thought it would be a fun thing to do. I managed to write a post a day for a month. Eventually I put it off.

Two tall metal file cabinets for work or home use

Two tall metal file cabinets for work or home use (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

When I started writing here again, I promised that I wouldn’t let that happen again. I told myself ‘Not this time. No quitting this time. It’s important. This is for you. You can do it.’ So far I have.

I think it’s helping. I think the writing, fiction and nonfiction, the sharing and the regimen is working. Everything is getting a little easier. I mean everything. I’m making a difference in my own life! That’s a weird sentence.

Really, I’m happy with the way that things are progressing. I feel more relaxed than I have in a long time. I feel more connected than I have in a long time. I sometimes need a little help processing things, and I think having this little corner of the Interwebs as my own person file cabinet is really making a difference.

I’ve stayed on top of writing every weekday(excluding a few holidays) just like I wanted. I’ve written more fiction than ever before. I’ve WANTED to write and draw and create. I’ve connected with super cool people. Then I found some more! I’m noticing more things in the world. I even got my shit together and went to yoga class. The threats probably helped.(check out the comments)

My point is, I suppose, that I’m not just throwing word-shit against the wall and seeing what sticks anymore. I’m here, and I’m doing this, and I’m seeing some sort of result. Different kinds of results, but still.

So thanks for stopping by to listen to me ramble and rant. Thanks for the encouragement and the recommendations. Thanks for the tolerance and patience.

Most of all, thanks for listening.

That would figure


Medicine (Photo credit: DonnaGrayson)

So remember the other day when I had a sore throat?

Guess what? Full blown cold of some sort. Nose, throat, cough. That, is just super.

The only thing more obnoxious than being sick in the winter, when everyone else is sick? Is being sick all by yourself during the summer like a freak.

I may think that summer is a stupid season. I may despise the sun and his heated UV rays. I may hate mowing the grass. The one thing summer has going for it(usually) is that I don’t have to have a cold every month, or the same one for 2 months. That’s like the ONLY thing summer is good for(except baseball, pools, sitting by the water. Ok good for a couple of things. Sue me.)

So now I’m sitting here sniffling and snuffling, coughing and sneezing like it’s freaking January.

On a brighter note, on the way home yesterday, there were some WICKED AWESOME clouds. It was a cloudy/rainy/stormy day yesterday, but it broke up early enough that the crazy clouds were there with the sun shining through. There was this cool one that looked like a black waterslide. It was shaped exactly like that, and it looked glassy smooth.

There were a lot of them that looked exactly like cotton batting. The way that they were lit from the southwest and above gave so many of them such distinct edges. Having the dark undersides just added some richness to the stark white clouds, crisp blue sky and soft golden light of the evening.

At least I have to mow tonight.


Oh Ashland.

My friend says I’m supposed to write more posts with concrete examples.


Concrete (Photo credit: net_efekt)

Oh. I bet she meant examples of what I’m talking about that anchor you in what I’m talking about. That was just an example of concrete.

She suggested a ‘Favorite place from our college campus post.” She generally knows what the hell she’s talking about, so here we go:

The A & H building:  Arts & Humanities. I ended up spending a lot of time there my last 2 years and it kind of grew on me. The hallways were usually clean, but there were a lot of art studios in there and they were always dirty. It was great. Certain portions of the hallways were sectioned off. They were for the Music classrooms, or the the drama studios. All the art studios were on the top floor, or the basement.

You walked in an unassuming doorway and a huge expansive room was hidden behind it. It would be filled with paints, easels, chalk, conte crayons, charcoal, and paper. Maybe it would be filled with printing presses and big glass worktables for inking press plates. Maybe it would have kilns and pottery wheels, and big mechanical clay mixers. Could be a corner for welding or lots of wood working tools. Every studio was like a separate, themed world in a video game. It was always so cool.

That was where I spent my class days. When I was going to learn how to be an artist. I always learned how to be an artist, but I can’t say I learned much about how to make art. Of course, learning the how to be and and not the how to do isn’t uncommon for me.

Quarry Street:  The best off campus party house that ever existed. Ashland University is/was a dry campus. Alcohol was not permitted on campus. So we went off campus to enjoy adult beverages.  This house was a couple blocks away from campus. Close enough to walk, even in crappy weather. It got even closer when some of those adult beverages impeded your perception of time. It was positioned on a cross street that was just one block long. It sat in between 2 funeral homes and a public library. There was no one to complain about the noise. You should ask that same friend about the time she went ass first into a pile of snow walking home with some impeded motor skills.

My Room:  I absolutely loved my room in the fraternity hose. It was a double room that wasn’t big enough for 2 people so I bought it out. I had a dead bolt on my door and a mini-fridge. I had a built in loft for my bed and a futon for a couch. I could sit in my room, with my music on and just be. It was absolutely glorious. That room is what I miss about college. I had a private space that I left open most of the time. I could stick my head out the door and yell for just about anyone I wanted to see. You never had to look for people to do something with, just walk down the hall.


Those are my places from college.

What about you?



Sore Throat?

Sore Throat? (Photo credit: tim ellis)

I am beat. I was out of town on.. let’s call it a celebratory weekend. There were adult beverages involved. There was lots of sun and water involved. I am tired.

The worst part is that yesterday, I seemed to have lost my voice a little bit. ‘It’s fine,’ I said, ‘No big deal. I’ll go to bed and even if it’s weird tomorrow, I just won’t talk much at work.’ Let me tell you how THAT worked out: It didn’t.

I woke up this morning with a still sore throat. So I figured less talking at work, no sweat. I had nothing but talking that I had to do today.

Also, after about 2 hours, nothing was giving up on the sore throat front. I was also super wiped out. By the afternoon, I figured out that it wasn’t just a sore throat. I have sinus issues today too.

I also had to go to the grocery store.

Don’t worry, I’m home now. I think I’ll go ahead and pass out now.

K thanks. Bye.

Busy Bee


Bees in a Box

Bees in a Box (Photo credit: stewickie)

I’m too busy.

I was thinking about my post yesterday, and I am definitely too busy. I know what you’re thinking,(because I’m psychic!) because I thought it too when this post idea popped into my head: If you just said that you don’t have as much to do as you think, how can you really be that busy?

Well it’s all in my perception and attitude about everything. I make myself feel busy with the way I approach everything. It’s like when someone gives you ‘busywork’ because they feel better if you’re doing something rather than nothing. It doesn’t matter what it is, or even if it’s productive so long as it keeps you busy.

That seems to be how my brain has been handling and processing information. It feels better when it’s doing nothing, or everything. It seems to be one of the ways my brain expresses it’s all or nothing mentality. It makes itself feel busy when it’s a little occupied because it doesn’t know how to properly classify the in-between experiences.

I’ve never been particularly great at operating on a spectrum. It’s always been easier for me to think in absolutes. I think that’s what it’s all about, too. Easier. I’ve always taken the easy way out. It’s always been more difficult to think about things on an ever-moving, ever-evolving spectrum.

I can handle it sometimes. Certain issues and concepts I can separate the individual pieces out and think about them one at a time. That creates a crazy amalgam of concepts. The trouble is that I still think of the individual concepts in black and white terms.

I understand the problem with this, but like someone who knows eating hot wings will give them heartburn, I just make the decision. I can lay all the pieces out on the table, I can evaluate them, I can think logically and emotionally about each one. Then I just make a decision without regard to all those individual evaluations.

I just need to work at training myself to view activities for what they are. I am typically more able to do this once the activity has started, but I need to begin to do it all the time. I need to force myself not to feel busy when I’m not actually busy. Maybe it will help me slow down and view things in the proper perspective.