I wanna be an Astronaut!

I saw this over at Word Painting Without a Brush

Creative Writing Exercise = You are an astronaut. Describe your perfect day.

My alarm gently vibrated me awake. It’s so hard to wake up on your own in the preternatural darkness of space.

I gently slid out of my bunk. The covers stayed messy. I cackled maniacally inside my own head. I always knew making my bed was a waste of time, and being in zero gravity only serves to make me more correct.

I dressed myself slowly and deliberately. The lack of urgency in zero gravity is astounding. Hurrying was never something I was very good at. I had absolutely no motivation to hurry when everything was drifting by as if we were all suspended in still water.

I gently navigated my way the the mess hall. Time to heat up a bag of coffee. I have to admit, for as different and difficult as somethings could be in space, the fancy cooking gadgets were exceptionally refreshing.

I took my bag of warm coffee and floated to the common space. It was like a scene from a science fiction movie in there. The seats were clean and smooth and the space was open. The most striking feature was the window that took up the entire wall of the vessel.


space (Photo credit: Sweetie187)

I opened the shades and peered out into the darkness. Inky blackness greeted me. It was like staring through a doorway into madness. I smiled broadly.

There has never been anything that compared to floating around in zero gravity, slurping coffee and staring into that space that drive men insane. That insanity always felt more like home to me than anywhere else. It’s a shame there’s no place here on earth that compares.

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I’m an Adult! I’ll Act Like a Child if I Want to!


Fonzie (Photo credit: anneh632)

I’m feeling especially rebellious today. Unfortunately, it’s not rebellious in a cool, Fonzie-like way. It’s rebellious in that you-can’t-make-me-take-a-bath-if-you-can’t-catch-me way. I fear this is something I will be passing down to my children in the future.

It’s going to sound stupid, petulant and childish but would you expect much else from me? I just don’t want to mow my grass tonight. I hate mowing the lawn. Especially when for reasons somewhat outside my control, it has gotten too long and it’s going to be a pain in the ass to slog through it tonight. I could bag it, but this early in the year it’s growing so fast that I feel like it’s better for the grass to feed on it’s recently shredded brethren. I think I’m growing cannibal grass you guys. Is it wrong that I find the idea of training my grass to feed on nothing but other grass to be a motivator? Probably.

I’m just being stubborn. It’s not that big of a deal. It only takes an hour and it isn’t going to even be hot tonight. Such it the tortured life a mostly-responsible adult.

Back to this concept of my innately ruining my future children. I’m really kind of pondering this now. I mean, I know I am not a model human being. I’m ok. I don’t frequently find myself in trouble with the local 5-0, or have any lawyers on speed dial. I do wonder what parenting will be like.

If there’s one thing I have faith in myself to do properly, it’s be a parent. I always have. I am not a constant worrier that I will somehow ruin my future children’s lives with one small error or anything like that. Sometimes, I do wonder if I will pass on to them the worst parts of my personality.

You know how people who know you really well can see all those tiny little traits in kids that just make them say “Totally your kid. No way it could belong to anyone else”? I just don’t want My Spawn to be identified by things that I view as negatives about my personality.

I tend to stay indoors. I have occasionally attempted to locate a cave that has television and internet in it. I like the dark. I sometimes(always) tend to exist in a natural state of Hermit-tude. The best example I can give you is if I were left to my own devices, I would get up, stumble groggily to the coffee pot, make coffee, wander to my desk, plop in front of the computer in the dark and not move until I needed food or coffee. This is my natural state. It drives The Wife crazy sometimes.

I don’t hate this about myself, but I do want My Spawn to be well-rounded mini-people and I want them to be able to enjoy being outside. I don’t want them to fear the light like some nocturnal beastie. I hope that this isn’t genetic. I suspect it’s not, because I believe my dark-dwelling to be a product of my formative years with my babysitter the TV(kind of a long story, probably needs it’s own post), and my lack of ability to participate in normal kid activities that involve movement due to a medical issue(not a secret, just a long story. Also different post.)

I also tend to be a bit anti-social. I really like Sherlock Holmes’ description in the BBC show “Sherlock“: “[with contempt] I’m not a psychopath, Anderson, I’m a high-functioning sociopath. Do your research.” I don’t know if it applies to me, per se, but that’s kinda how I feel some days. Again, I’m fine with this but I’d rather My Offspring work well with others and not avoid other people.

So I suppose I’m not so much worried about how The Mini-People will turn out, as much as I’m curious to see if I Can encourage them to make better choice than I sometimes do. I should direct them to 450 Good Choices so they can see how much difference a few good choices at a time can make.

So this one was kinda all over. Let’s go with: What triggers your rebellious moments?

Well That’s Impressive (In Which I’m Not Actually All That Impressive)

I really want to impress you all.

Really, I swear.

The trouble is, I don’t have the most impressive things to say at the moment.

So I’m going to have to settle for impressing you with my spectacularly crazy phrasing and analogies.

Here goes:

I’ve recently developed allergies, which cause me to have sinus headaches. These headaches tend to feel like there’s a very small, very angry, imp inside my forehead with a very sharp spear that he uses to attempt to liberate himself just above my right eye. This stabbing pain doesn’t usually subside until I medicate heavily and sleep. It then resumes first thing in the morning.

How was that? Impressed yet? Here’s another:

I’ve always been a fan of coffee. I could care less about the effects of the caffiene from the  coffee, I actually enjoy the taste. For a short period of time in college I was obsessed with blended espresso drinks. I couldn’t get enough of them. I have moved away from those slightly and now greatly enjoy a cup of quality coffee. I now drink my coffee black, and I prefer a dark blend. Nothing is better than cup of dark coffee, with the boldness and complexity of a tortured anti-hero. What good is coffee if it isn’t strong enough to force you to stop drinking for a moment and decide what it is that caused you to stop in the first place.  What good is a cup of coffee without the complexity of flavors that requires a difficult mathematical equation to analyze.

That one was a little less good. Chew on that for a while.



Seattle (In Which I Discuss My Fascination With A City I’ve Never Been To)

Seattle. Big city in the Pacific Northwest. I’ve never been there, I’ve never met anyone from there, and yet I’ve got it in my head that I would like to live there.

I’ve heard some things about the Pacific Northwest, an Seattle in particular that make me want to experience it every day. The vegetation is supposed to be just so beautifully green,all the time. Good coffee there. It rains almost everyday. It’s cool and wet A LOT. That all sounds absolutely glorious.

I’m not one of those people that loves the sun. We tend to be fighting more often than not. I’m pale and I burn easy, and I’m not so great with heat. Since the time when the sun is most easily visible, most of those things tend to occur, I’m not a huge fan. I could deal with rain everyday. I love rain. I find it to be peaceful and cleansing as opposed to dreary and gross.

I love coffee. Any place I can go where coffee is the official drink is a good place as far as I’m concerned. If that coffee is better than average coffee, I’m practically buying my plane ticket now, thank you very much.

I also like plants. Mostly plants that are nearby, that I don’t have to walk through or near, but hey, I get the coffee and rain I can’t be to picky about the plants.

Now, I’m never moving to Seattle. I love where I live in good old North East Ohio. Also, my lovely Wife is a really big fan of the sun and she would literally make my life a living hell if I made her move somewhere that it rained almost everyday. I can’t say I blame her, most people like the sun at least a little, and not seeing it very often could get depressing. She also really likes seasons, though, and I suspect any place that has the same temperature, climate, and weather patterns day after day would drive her bonkers.

I just thought it was amusing that I love everything I’ve heard about a place I’ve never been, and it makes me want to go there.