I’m so OLD!

Just Kidding!(but maybe I’m not.)

birthday

birthday (Photo credit: Aih.)

I meant to get on yesterday, but it was just too bananas. Yesterday was my birthday. I turned 29! I’m so OLD!

I know 29 isn’t really old, but it can certainly feel that way. People sometimes say that ‘Age is just a number,’ or ‘It’s all relative.’ They’re right to some degree. Of course, that’s usually people who are older and don’t want to be seen as old or feel old.

I have always kind of felt like I never act my age. Sometimes I seem like a kid in a grown up world. I love to goof off, and play and watch cartoons. I like to sit around on the weekends in my pajamas and play video games. I like to read stories about grand kingdoms, beautiful princesses, daring heroes and fearsome villains.

Other times, I seem to be much older than I really am. I enjoy a cup of hot tea, I like reading more than Television, and I don’t like to go out as often as some of my friends. I clean up very well, and I prefer suits to sport coats. I am quite the gentleman.

So I got older yesterday. As some of you may already realize though, everyone hits an age where the day doesn’t make you feel any different than the day before. I found that day sometime in the last couple of years. I’m okay with that, but it does take some of the ceremony out of having a birthday.

Regardless, I like the fact that I’m so changeable. It gets in the way sometimes, when I can’t focus on what I’d like to be more like at a certain time. Overall, I’d prefer to be a little more unpredictable. I like my routine to be predictable, but I don’t like to be predictable in it.

 

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Well, Well, Well…

That’s a deep subject, I know. (Ba-dump, Tsss.)

I have to apologize for that. I haven’t been around for much too long, and the first thing I put up on the screen is a terrible pun. I am so sorry for that. And now I’m not sorry anymore. Ha!

At some point I’m going to have to stop writing re-introduction posts. My lack of skill in true multi-tasking precludes me from being able to concentrate on a multitude of things at once. I get busy with one or two things, and I get completely sidetracked from so many other things!

Multitasking (work desktop)

Multitasking (work desktop) (Photo credit: FransBadger)

I really meant to be writing one or two times a week. I managed to put that off. I’ve even been trying to write this very post for 4 days now. I haven’t been reading, or writing, or blogging like I should. These are the things that keep me sane. These are the sorts fo things that keep me mentally engaged.

It’s very easy for me to spend my days sitting and trying to recharge for the next round of crazy. I really should be doing little things that help me recharge in an active way so that I don’t create bad habits.

Soon enough, there’s going to be plenty of outside work to do, which is always pretty tiring for me. It’s rewarding to make the outside of a house and yard look nice, but it can be pretty exhausting. It also is the sort of thing that requires plenty of maintenance so the work is always on the horizon.

Here’s pushing for active relaxation in the coming days!

 

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Here a plan, there a plan…

I’ve been making a few plans recently.

A friend of mine has been encouraging my writing and other assorted personal growth items. She claims to be my Life Coach. I can’t really dispute that.

She has the luxury of being able to be brutally honest. We’re friends, and have been for over 10 years now. Not much that’s going to keep that from continuing. That being said, she can pretty much say what she feels and I will just have to deal with it.

Don’t get the wrong idea, she isn’t mean. What she is, is a straight shooter. Not just with me, but with everyone. I just happen to get the benefit of her caring about me, and using that ‘no bullshit’ attitude to my benefit.

She is a fantastic writer. So naturally, she’s the one I would talk to when I was interested in trying to be a better writer. She’s been giving me some things to work on. If you remember, I wrote a story a while back, published in five parts. She got to read it first. I got some good feedback there. One thing I carry around from my artistic background though, is that I kind of feel like a piece of writing exists on it’s own, as an example of when and how it was written. I’m not so good at the editing and re-writing portion of things.

I am working on some of those prompts and exercises. If I get anything out of them worth sharing, I will definitely put them up for people to take a look at.

Writing

Writing (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

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Since You’ve Been Gone…

It feels like I’ve been chewin’ on tinfoil.  (bonus points if you know where that’s from)

I know that I haven’t been around. There’s a reason for that. I also know that that the only person that feels like I’m letting them down is me.

I have had some things going on outside of the blog, that have required my attention. I think I can also say that they are going to continue to require a great deal of my attention. I also think these are things that are best dealt with in their own space and time.

English: The spotlight model of attention.

English: The spotlight model of attention. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

That would be why I had been less verbose than before. I may also continue to have less to post than my previous everyday schedule. A large part of this also comes from my growing concern that I was just throwing fluff up on the internet for people to read.

When I first started here, I was able to post opinions, musings, and worldviews that seemed as if they needed to be shared. I had something to say every day, and the responsibility and routine of that was very nice for me. Now that some of those musings have slowed down a little bit, I don’t really want to be forcing something on to the page that just isn’t worth reading, writing, or sharing.

That’s why I’m thinking that I’m not going to commit to a firm schedule for writing here, but I’m also not giving up. I am going to ATTEMPT to write 2 or 3 times a week. I admit that this may not always happen. I will say that if it isn’t happening, it has more to do with not having something to say than it does laziness in regards to posting.

In case you were wondering, I will probably still be writing a few things, but they may not be for posting. I will continue to work on things to share here though, in addition to musings. There may still be the occasional poem or story.

Now on to an actual musing to kick this thing off right!

I have been listening to a podcast called Stuff To Blow Your Mind. I’ve been listening for awhile, but the most recent one happened to mention some things that I’d been pondering a bit anyway. They were referencing reincarnation and some of the different interpretations of it.

 

One of those viewpoints is that reincarnation can exist as a metaphor to our daily life. That how we act and react from moment to moment can set the stage or establish a pattern for the next and subsequent moments. That sort of tied into something that has been bouncing around in my head. People frequently say that a way to improve your outlook on life is simply to decide to be positive. I struggle mightily with this sort of thing.

I have been striving to be more positive, and more importantly, not be so hard on myself when I feel that I have made a mistake. I’ve been pushing that much harder recently, and it can sometimes create a bit of a feedback loop. Example A: I forget to do something that I said I would. I then get upset with myself for forgetting to do that thing. I then get upset with myself for getting upset with myself. Feedback loop.

When something like that starts to happen, I find myself wondering how it is that one could simply decide to be more positive about the whole thing. How am I supposed to just DECIDE to not be so hard on myself? I understand and can buy into the idea that your approach to situations can color how you handle them. I just can’t figure out how to simply change that approach.

I guess it was just one of those things that struck a chord and got me wondering.

 

 

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I wanna be an Astronaut!

I saw this over at Word Painting Without a Brush

Creative Writing Exercise = You are an astronaut. Describe your perfect day.

My alarm gently vibrated me awake. It’s so hard to wake up on your own in the preternatural darkness of space.

I gently slid out of my bunk. The covers stayed messy. I cackled maniacally inside my own head. I always knew making my bed was a waste of time, and being in zero gravity only serves to make me more correct.

I dressed myself slowly and deliberately. The lack of urgency in zero gravity is astounding. Hurrying was never something I was very good at. I had absolutely no motivation to hurry when everything was drifting by as if we were all suspended in still water.

I gently navigated my way the the mess hall. Time to heat up a bag of coffee. I have to admit, for as different and difficult as somethings could be in space, the fancy cooking gadgets were exceptionally refreshing.

I took my bag of warm coffee and floated to the common space. It was like a scene from a science fiction movie in there. The seats were clean and smooth and the space was open. The most striking feature was the window that took up the entire wall of the vessel.

space

space (Photo credit: Sweetie187)

I opened the shades and peered out into the darkness. Inky blackness greeted me. It was like staring through a doorway into madness. I smiled broadly.

There has never been anything that compared to floating around in zero gravity, slurping coffee and staring into that space that drive men insane. That insanity always felt more like home to me than anywhere else. It’s a shame there’s no place here on earth that compares.

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Well Hmmmm

Paradoxical feelings are…strange.

Paradox of Freedom: the fence

Paradox of Freedom: the fence (Photo credit: theilr)

I guess paradoxical is actually a pretty descriptive word for them. Having a feeling about something that is both exciting and maybe a little frustrating at the same time. It’s an odd combination.

I have the beginnings of an idea for something I want to write. It’s too delicate and new to be wholeheartedly excited about. I think it’s a good idea, but it needs some nurturing before I try to jump right in to it.

Hopefully I can get it to a point that I feel good really starting it in earnest. I think that it could be fun. It’s a little frustrating not being able to just move forward. I’m usually kind of impulsive with this sort of thing. I want to just push forward.

I know that that’s not the way to go. I suppose there’s something to be said for making the better choice, even though it isn’t exactly what you want to do.

I also know that I’m kind of rambling in the abstract right now. Sorry about that. If you’ve been around here before, you’ll know that being here is pretty close to being inside my head. You get what I’m thinking, how I’m thinking it.

Here’s hoping.

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Thoughts

Sometimes they swirl. A wild maelstrom of separate clouds, twisting and coiling in the circling winds.

Other times they bounce. Tiny bouncing seeds falling from great heights.

Often they flutter. Dancing on the breeze, flitting about in no discernible direction.

Occasionally they swim. Darting and turning in unison, in a school.

Rarely they are peaceful. Swaying in the breeze in a field.

They are never quiet.

 

English: Abstract art work

English: Abstract art work (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

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