Quick Update

Sorry for missing you yesterday.

 

English: Gentaur schedule

English: Gentaur schedule (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I wasn’t able to stop by yesterday for a couple of reasons. The first and most important was that I was out of town all weekend. The second is that because I was out of town all weekend, including yesterday, I am a little off my schedule.

 

I ended up with a 3 day weekend this last weekend. I left home on Friday morning, and went out of town straight from work. I didn’t get home until about 4 pm yesterday. So I am just now getting back in a normal rhythm.

 

I’ll go into a little more detail tomorrow, but I was snowboarding this weekend. A little winter holiday if you will. Have no fear, I’m fine.

 

Until tomorrow, with the whole recap! See you then.

 

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Long Goodnight

Old Clocks

Old Clocks (Photo credit: servus)

So begins the long weekend.

I have a long weekend ahead, and it started this morning. So I wasn’t around much this evening.

There will be plenty of fun things, but there will be a lot of them. Also, as I’m generally a sit at home and enjoy quiet time person, the running around will wear me out.

Just glad Thanksgiving is next week. A day off with lots of food will do me good.

Wish me luck!

Posting Blues

I’m disappointed y’all.

Disappointed in the sun.

Disappointed in the sun. (Photo credit: piermario)

I know that I’ve been posting every weekday like I want to. I’m meeting that goal. I don’t think that what I’m posting is up to snuff.

I’m not exactly writing world-changing posts here. The trouble is, my brain thinks in huge, over-arching, world-changing ways. I’d frustrating to know that I’m not properly communicating that through what I’m posting.

I think a big part of that is that I’m not able to post until the evening. I’m usually winding down by the time I’m able to post and that means that the ideas aren’t flowing as freely. IT’s a struggle to even write something one a topic I’m interested in some nights.

That’s pretty disappointing too. I know I’m capable of better. I know that people don’t stop by as often when I’m throwing slapdash shit against the wall to see what sticks. I know that more people are interested when I’m able to really get the crazy-ball rolling in the morning.

So all of that is combining to make me a little blue about posting. I still really want to, and I plan on keeping up with it. I just thought I’d share how it was feeling recently. Maybe I’ll be able to shoehorn some time in there to get writing in the morning. Maybe. Don’t want to start too early or you’ll just get incoherent mumbling about how I ought to be able to sleep later.

Here’s hoping it can be an upswing.

The Darkness

Travelling into the darkness is magical and horrifying, all at the same time.

Darkness is everything we fear and hope. Anything can be contained within darkness. Travelling through it is a constant journey of discovery.

Our minds try to make sens of what we’re looking at. We assume we know what we’re going to see when the next sliver of light reveals that which was just hidden. The only way we can fight back the untamed horror of the unknown is to convince ourselves we know what comes next.

Darkness

Darkness (Photo credit: Roberto F.)

The only way we can keep moving into the unknown void ahead is to hope and pray that we can make assumptions about what comes next. When we can’t do that, the madness begins. The yawning chasm of terror opens ever so slightly in our souls. It’s cracks and shifts wider. Slowly, a little at a time, until that swirling maw of chaos envelops you.

Darkness is all of that. Darkness is all around us. It is what we struggle to emerge from every night. we fight to keep it at bay with out houses and walls and lights. We know that if we were to truly sit and exist in the dark, we might not know what comes next. That horrifies us beyond belief.

Darkness is what begins to approach at the beginning of every day. Even before we realize what the day can be, the countdown begins. The steady tick-tick-tick of the clock as the darkness of night grows ever closer.

If you want to know how truly close to the surface that terror is, sit a few minutes in the inky blackness of total darkness. Within moment your mind will begin to create visions of horror and chaos that you never thought you were capable of imagining. Unbidden, your mind will vividly create worlds and moments of indescribable insanity.

Know that that is what is hiding inside all of us. Ready to spring forth at a moments notice. That is what we schedule, and plan and structure to avoid. Not knowing what comes next will release that howling, swirling, driving mass of chaos. All we can do is move through the world with a plan.

We move through our days hoping that we can just stave that madness off a few moments longer. Because it is always waiting just ahead in that next darkened room.

I was out!

Sorry I missed on Friday.

I was doing some of that extra work I mentioned before, and I just wasn’t near a computer all day. Didn’t get home until late, then wasn’t able to put pen to paper. Well, fingers to keyboard which is like a digital version of pen to paper.

English: Wacom Intuos4 Medium Pen Tablet with pen.

English: Wacom Intuos4 Medium Pen Tablet with pen. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I’m not avoiding, which is why I was okay with not being able to write. Being literally too busy to sit in front of the computer long enough to write is actually a viable excuse for me. I tend to make other excuses and rationalizations for myself. This is actually one that counts.

I had an idea for a post, the other day, but it was one of those ghost ideas that was never really fully formed. It just kind of flitted and danced at the periphery of my consciousness and perception, so I never really got a handle on how I wanted to write about it, and what I wanted to say. Then it was gone. Just not there any longer. I hate it when the good ideas do that.

I can also say, that some time in the somewhat near future, we may be looking at an arbitrary WordPress milestone post. Forewarned is forearmed. I know they aren’t the best, but I’m having fun here and I like to share the fun. ell the specifics of the fun anyway. Feel free to skip it when you see it, but it’s going to be AWE-some!

I’m still busy, but hopefully things have calmed to a dull roar for the next little bit. I’ll be sure to let you know. I should be able to stay on schedule this week, and maybe I’ll even get some big ideas to talk about!

Adulthood sucks.

Straight up, being an adult sucks.

Sucks Less with Kevin Smith

Sucks Less with Kevin Smith (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

There isn’t much that adequately prepares you for the royal pain in the ass being an adult is. People think that they can go out of their way to “prepare you for the real world” but mostly it’s all crap. It just isn’t possible to simulate the flurry of shit that comes towards you on a daily basis.

School doesn’t prepare you for work. Summer jobs don’t really give you a sense of what will be expected of you later. It’s really a trial by fire kind of situation. Some of us are really pretty terrible at it.

Some of us just aren’t all that capable of handling the multiple stressors of all the things that happen in everyday life.  Some of us get to a point, far sooner than everyone else, and we just kind of shut down. It becomes hard to do anything because all of our energy got used up just trying to keep our heads on straight long enough to make it though part of the day.

Some of us end up spending more than half of the day walking around like a zombie because we’re just done. The only energy we have left is being used to keep us upright and functional. That’s it. that’s all we’ve got left.

Sorry if that means we look sad. Maybe you think we’re in a bad mood. Maybe we just don’t engage the way you’d like. Well, there’s not always anything that can be done about that. I’d say you’re lucky we’re able to move around in the world and not just crumble into a heap on the floor.

Sorry to vent, but at the moment there isn’t a lot of fire left in this boiler room. There’s a lot of treading water going on right now. You know it’s bad when you can’t make it to lunch time before you’re done for the day. I suppose we just keep trudging through, right?

Why doesn’t my body listen to my Brain?

It’s like they don’t bother communicating.

I’m tired. Both my brain and my body seem to notice that I could use some rest. Being that I pretend to be a responsible adult, I could decide to go to bed early tonight. The thought would be that if I go to bed an hour and a half early, I would get an extra hour and a half of sleep. I couldn’t be more wrong.

My typical sleep schedule is from 12 am – 7:15 am. Not great, but not a terrible amount of sleep either. Sometimes I get tired earlier than that and think I should go to bed early. This almost always results in waking up every 40 minutes starting at 5 am. I have no idea why. So far the earliest I’m able to go to bed with no ill effects is about 15 minutes early.

This makes no sense to me. I should be able to go to bed early and get extra sleep. This would result in a clear mind and refreshed body for tomorrow. It just isn’t the case. That’s exceptionally frustrating. I know I could get more sleep on a nightly basis, but at least let me get extra when I need it.

It’s just like my body is insistent that I can’t sleep more than a set amount of time, no matter how inconvenient the outcome.

This is why I need naps.

2 kittens taking a nap

2 kittens taking a nap (Photo credit: Wikipedia)