English: GI CARD GAME, Watercolor, James Pollock, CAT IV, 1967, Courtesy of the National Museum of the U.S. Army (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Sometimes, you’ve got stuff to do, but still nothing to do.
Weird right? I know you understand what I’m talking about though. You may have things that need done. Projects, or chores or something of that nature.
Maybe they don’t actually need done right now. You could do it and get it out of the way, but it’s probably not going to happen. So you’re busy looking for something else to do. You just can’t find anything.
No matter what leisure time activity you think of, nothing sound like something you want to do. So while avoiding the stuff you could do, there’s nothing else to do. It’s really annoying.
I mean really annoying. Sometimes you spend days and days thinking ‘I’d like to do ________ if I just had the time. I never have any time.’ When it just so happens you might have a little bit of free time, nothing really appeals. Then you find yourself sitting and wasting time, hoping something will eventually attract your attention. then you end up doing nothing and you wasted your hard earned free time.
Well that’s just dumb. It’s frustrating to know that you could be making better use of your time, even if it’s just something you want to do and not need to do. Feeling like you’re not making good use of your time sometimes feels like a failure. Like it’s one more thing you can’t do right. “I can’t even relax properly.”
I suppose that comes with the territory of responsibility.
Straight up, being an adult sucks.
Sucks Less with Kevin Smith (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
There isn’t much that adequately prepares you for the royal pain in the ass being an adult is. People think that they can go out of their way to “prepare you for the real world” but mostly it’s all crap. It just isn’t possible to simulate the flurry of shit that comes towards you on a daily basis.
School doesn’t prepare you for work. Summer jobs don’t really give you a sense of what will be expected of you later. It’s really a trial by fire kind of situation. Some of us are really pretty terrible at it.
Some of us just aren’t all that capable of handling the multiple stressors of all the things that happen in everyday life. Some of us get to a point, far sooner than everyone else, and we just kind of shut down. It becomes hard to do anything because all of our energy got used up just trying to keep our heads on straight long enough to make it though part of the day.
Some of us end up spending more than half of the day walking around like a zombie because we’re just done. The only energy we have left is being used to keep us upright and functional. That’s it. that’s all we’ve got left.
Sorry if that means we look sad. Maybe you think we’re in a bad mood. Maybe we just don’t engage the way you’d like. Well, there’s not always anything that can be done about that. I’d say you’re lucky we’re able to move around in the world and not just crumble into a heap on the floor.
Sorry to vent, but at the moment there isn’t a lot of fire left in this boiler room. There’s a lot of treading water going on right now. You know it’s bad when you can’t make it to lunch time before you’re done for the day. I suppose we just keep trudging through, right?