Stream of Consciousness

I write how I think.

Writing the rest of #Wikipedia on a typewriter...

Writing the rest of #Wikipedia on a typewriter. KGB style (Photo credit: Jared Zimmerman)

I was having a conversation about writing style today in someone’s comments. (She’s excellent, you should stop by some time.) It got me thinking a little harder than normal about my own writing style.

I tend to write how I think. I also tend to think best out loud. So by default, I guess you could say that I write how I talk. I can see that. I think that it’s just the way that I settle into.

I write how I think because I want you reading it to feel like I’m doing this in a natural way. I’m not forcing a particular structure or anything on you. I’m not over editing what I have previously written. I just kind of start writing and see where the words take me.

That’s how I speak. That’s how I think. that’s how I am.

I just feel like I’m being the most honest and genuine person with you that I can be. Sometimes that results in strange and unfocused writing. Sorry about that. I’m a strange and unfocused person. When you come here to read what I’ve written, I like to think you’re getting an accurate sense of the real me. I’m not trying to give you an online persona to connect with.

I just got to thinking about it. Which then made me analyze my own writing style, which made me realize how much I enjoy just being myself here.

Feel free to stop back. Oh and tell your friends.

All over the place!

So I got to thinking tonight.

Thought Bubbles

Thought Bubbles (Photo credit: Michael Taggart Photography)

I know, that’s a dangerous situation. I’m a pretty unpredictable guy. Sort of. I’m sure the people that know me best could pick what I might do with a relatively accurate percentage.

Overall I’m pretty all over the place. A lot of assumptions about me don’t really ring true. I enjoy this.

I enjoy being unexpected. I enjoy being interesting. I enjoy being weird. I did happen to notice that this is a little strange for writing here.

See, sometimes I’m so unexpected, that I’m not sure what to say about myself. I’m not shy about a lot of things, but I may not think something is as important when it’s not something someone else mentioned.

I tend to be a ‘something like that happened to me once’ or a ‘Hey that reminds me’ kind of guy. It goes along with the weird way my brain makes connections.

So since that’s the case, I’ll do a kind of ‘ask me anything’. Feel free to leave a comment with a suggestion or question. If it’s a quick answer I’ll respond in the comments, but if I think it bear some explaining, I’ll just respond in depth in a post! That way I know someone wanted to hear whatever it is that I’m babbling about.

 

All The Colors

You know what I really enjoy? Color.

Colouring pencils Français : Crayons de couleu...

Colouring pencils Français : Crayons de couleur Español: Lápices de colores Nederlands: Kleurpotloden Italiano: Matite colorate ไทย: ดินสอสี ‪中文(繁體)‬: 彩色鉛筆 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It’s not so much about being an art major or having an artistic back ground. It’s truly about have a deep and abiding passion for color. I’m not really sure what to do with it, but that’s ok.

I think everyone has an appreciation for color to some degree. We all have colors we like and ones that remind us of things. We all have certain things that really jump out at us.

nothing stirs me visually like beautiful color. It’s like music for my eyes. It affects me in the same way that music does. Color is one of those things that hums in my soul.

For instance, My favorite blue is very specific. It’s the color of a blue sky that stares at you from behind the clouds on a bright, crisp autumn day. That exact blue. It’s different than the clear blue of a summer’s day it’s not the same as a clear day in winter. It’s better than a bright spring sky. The sharp piercing blue as it fights through the clouds, in contrast to the brown trees and the fiery leaves is just stellar.

I have a favorite green too. It’s the flickering, glowing green of a tree directly between the sun an me on a warm, breezy summer day. The yellow as it shines through the leaves, the flash of light when the breeze picks up, the halo of golden light around that crown of leaves. The way the green of the leaves seems vivid and alive, pulsing with life is so incredibly vital.

That’s why I love color so much. Things like that. I just can’t get enough of them.

Music Man

Sometimes it’s the music.

Sometimes the music is what perfectly crystallizes your thoughts in to cohesive form. It can be difficult to isolate some of your feelings. Lots on information can sort of swirl together to create big cloud of confusion. You aren’t really sure what you’re feeling and thinking. That’s where the music comes in.

Music is verbal emotion blended with an embodiment of emotion. It’s pulses and thinks and feels like it’s own person. Of course, each piece of music has it’s own personality, that doesn’t change much from playthrough to playthrough. That’s what music is.

That’s part of why it speaks to us on that primal level that we can’t always identify. That’s why we have such strong emotions about it. That’s why we can’t always articulate our feelings or opinions about it.

Music digs within us and accesses a part of our being that we aren’t able to get to ourselves. We can’t talk about it or process some of those thoughts and emotions. It gets down to the part of us that just is.

That’s why sometimes it’s the music that suddenly seems to say what we couldn’t. It speaks to the world what we weren’t able to understand. It does it without our understanding or consent. That’s precisely why it’s so magical.

new age 296

new age 296 (Photo credit: abcdlish)

Busy Bee

 

Bees in a Box

Bees in a Box (Photo credit: stewickie)

I’m too busy.

I was thinking about my post yesterday, and I am definitely too busy. I know what you’re thinking,(because I’m psychic!) because I thought it too when this post idea popped into my head: If you just said that you don’t have as much to do as you think, how can you really be that busy?

Well it’s all in my perception and attitude about everything. I make myself feel busy with the way I approach everything. It’s like when someone gives you ‘busywork’ because they feel better if you’re doing something rather than nothing. It doesn’t matter what it is, or even if it’s productive so long as it keeps you busy.

That seems to be how my brain has been handling and processing information. It feels better when it’s doing nothing, or everything. It seems to be one of the ways my brain expresses it’s all or nothing mentality. It makes itself feel busy when it’s a little occupied because it doesn’t know how to properly classify the in-between experiences.

I’ve never been particularly great at operating on a spectrum. It’s always been easier for me to think in absolutes. I think that’s what it’s all about, too. Easier. I’ve always taken the easy way out. It’s always been more difficult to think about things on an ever-moving, ever-evolving spectrum.

I can handle it sometimes. Certain issues and concepts I can separate the individual pieces out and think about them one at a time. That creates a crazy amalgam of concepts. The trouble is that I still think of the individual concepts in black and white terms.

I understand the problem with this, but like someone who knows eating hot wings will give them heartburn, I just make the decision. I can lay all the pieces out on the table, I can evaluate them, I can think logically and emotionally about each one. Then I just make a decision without regard to all those individual evaluations.

I just need to work at training myself to view activities for what they are. I am typically more able to do this once the activity has started, but I need to begin to do it all the time. I need to force myself not to feel busy when I’m not actually busy. Maybe it will help me slow down and view things in the proper perspective.

This Might Be Dangerous!

I may have made a huge tiny mistake. I am really intent on getting this post done this morning, and I have ingested lots of coffee in a short amount of time. I have unleashed myself on a keyboard all jacked up on caffeine. This might be dangerous.

Brain scanning technology is quickly approachi...

Brain scanning technology is quickly approaching levels of detail that will have serious implications (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I’m not worried. I think that the two halves of my brain can successfully wrestle one another into some sort of stalemate with regards to crazy vs. responsible. I think I actually have two brain halves that work relatively well together.

I would classify myself as a creative person. I have a good eye for art and colors, even if I’m not always the best at creating them. What you might call “right-brain” things. I would also say that I’m pretty intelligent. I’m good with numbers and patterns. Things one might consider “left-brain” activities.

I have never been great at focusing on one activity or set of skills so I never really latched on to one side of my brain and got great with it. I tend to bounce between the two as required. Lot of people I know are definitely more suited to one or the other.

Not me. I am all sorts of unfocused! In a good way, right? Not always. I think that this sometimes leads to my inability to get organized, even if I like organizational systems. It also leads to a difficult time for  learning new creative activities.

While I’m happy for the adaptability this provides me (people who know me best are cleaning up the beverage that they just spit all over the screen). What I mean is adaptability in my approach for problem-solving. I’m able to approach lots of activities with a unique perspective.

I appreciate this, but sometimes I would like for it to be easier to just plop down and really focus on a particular thing with out soon getting distracted by a shiny object or moving picture(Ooo! Piece of candy!) Well I suppose that life is generally a zero-sum game, and I can’t be good at everything. If I want to be able to be adaptable (sorry for your screens again) Then I can’t also be super focus-able. That’s not a word. I don’t care because I’m creative, remember?

Well, on that note I’ll end this caffeine-fueled ramble about sides of my brain. I hope the rest of the day goes as smoothly and free-flowing as this post did. I feel like it won’t.

Are you right-brained or left-brained?

An Exercise in Frustration

There’s something about the Human Mind that forces us to act irrationally and participate in thought patterns that serve no purpose.

How I Met Your Mother

How I Met Your Mother (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Just the other day, I wrote about my bad habit of getting too caught up in nostalgia. Well, I was watching an episode of “How I Met Your Mother” and it brought me back to a topic I’d previously discussed with a friend of mine: What If?

‘What If? -ing’ is just a hypothetical version of nostalgia. You take a time or turning point in your life an attempt to extrapolate it out into an entirely alternate reality. It can be a fun little exercise or diversion sometimes, but most of the time it’s just an exercise in frustration.

I think it’s pretty obvious that as I said before, there’s no way to ever try to recreate those previous circumstances. There’s no way ever know what would have actually happened because so many different things can affect our personalities and experiences that there’s no way control the environment. Sometimes all that ‘What If? -ing’ just leaves a bad taste in your mouth.

It can be such a dangerous little rabbit hole to fall into. By engaging in the very exercise, you start with a morbid kind of curiosity, or worse a dissatisfaction at your current circumstances. That means that everything you think about will be colored with an idea that “everything would have been better with just this one little change.” You’re setting yourself up for more disappointment at your current situation and and extra helping of frustration at your inability to actually know if that is what would have happened.

Which brings me to the real thought that got me interested enough to post about this: Do you really want to know? That was the twist in the television episode I watched. You can ask ‘What If?’ as much as you want. Sometimes, there’s an actual answer to that question. Sometimes there’s a reason that you didn’t make a different choice. You might not want to know that reason.

That’s the problem with asking too many hypothetical questions and always examining every little detail of your life: sometimes you might not like the answer. I’m sure that there are times when we might need a jolt like this to make a proactive major change. There are more times when it might cause you to open a Pandora’s Box of problems that needn’t have ever been touched again.

This is the sort of thing that is hard to remember when you have an active imagination. ‘What If? -ing’ seems like it would all be in good fun. You have source material, personal experience, and lots of curiosity. “What could it hurt?” you think. It’s a hard activity to avoid.

Just something to consider the next time you catch yourself thinking ‘What If?’ You might just be in for more disappointment. More importantly, do you really want to know the answer and the reason?