Nothing to do

English: GI CARD GAME, Watercolor, James Pollo...

English: GI CARD GAME, Watercolor, James Pollock, CAT IV, 1967, Courtesy of the National Museum of the U.S. Army (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Sometimes, you’ve got stuff to do, but still nothing to do.

Weird right? I know you understand what I’m talking about though. You may have things that need done. Projects, or chores or something of that nature.

Maybe they don’t actually need done right now. You could do it and get it out of the way, but it’s probably not going to happen. So you’re busy looking for something else to do. You just can’t find anything.

No matter what leisure time activity you think of, nothing sound like something you want to do. So while avoiding the stuff you could do, there’s nothing else to do. It’s really annoying.

I mean really annoying. Sometimes you spend days and days thinking ‘I’d like to do ________ if I just had the time. I never have any time.’ When it just so happens you might have a little bit of free time, nothing really appeals. Then you find yourself sitting and wasting time, hoping something will eventually attract your attention. then you end up doing nothing and you wasted your hard earned free time.

Well that’s just dumb. It’s frustrating to know that you could be making better use of your time, even if it’s just something you want to do and not need to do. Feeling like you’re not making good use of your time sometimes feels like a failure. Like it’s one more thing you can’t do right. “I can’t even relax properly.”

I suppose that comes with the territory of responsibility.

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The Wall

I totally hit a wall today.

Wall

Wall (Photo credit: zebble)

I mean metaphorically. Though, if you know me well enough, hitting a wall literally, really doesn’t seem implausible. I digress.

We had an upgrade to the software we use at work today. I was the on site tech, and I was responsible for working with the remote specialized tech. I was there to answer any specific questions about our systems and set up, as well as be the other person’s eyes and ears. I also logged them into our stuff remotely.

The original time estimate for the series of operations that they were performing today was 6 hours. We were supposed to be out of commission from 8 this morning, until 2 this afternoon. We were actually up and running before 12 noon.

This was a really good thing. We beat our estimated time by a full 2 hours. That’s 2 extra hours that we weren’t planning to have access to our systems. It did leave me with a small dilemma. I didn’t plan on having time to do anything worthwhile today at work.

I was planning on being occupied for the full 6 hours, with possible stops for troubleshooting along the way. I figured that even if we got done right on time, that my day would be pretty much shot. I was half right.

After all the IT work was done, I just kind of drifted around aimlessly. I still did things while I was at work, but I didn’t have a lot of self-starting motivation. I just kind of waited around until someone needed me for something. I kind of hit a wall.

O h well, there’s always tomorrow

Holiday Stress

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It’s that time of the year.

I don’t usually have problems on actual holidays. I understand that sometimes holidays can be stressful for people. There’s a lot of family interaction, and there is a lot of opportunity there for extra stress.

My stress always comes in the couple of weeks leading up to big holidays. Especially Christmas. It’s the planning that gets me.

I have trouble planning gifts very far in advance. I always have good intentions, and then ideas get side tracked, or I never get to the stores to enact my grand vision. I’m sort of okay this year, but I’m not done yet and that is definitely creeping around in the back of my mind.

I’m also really bad at planning visits. I’m awful at doing anything that isn’t already pre-decided. If the exact date of when I’m doing something with someone for the holidays isn’t the same from year to year, I’m going to have trouble figuring it out. Like this year. Then it gets put off, and people get grouchy, and I know it’s my fault for being bad at planning.

So that’s where my holiday stress happens. I don’t buy into the crazed shopping thing. I don’t get too worked up about the decorations. I don’t have too much trouble actually visiting with the relatives on the day of the holiday. I just can’t plan worth a shit.

I feel like that’s going to continue to cause problems until I get it solved.

Oh well.

Missed it

I did skip writing on Friday.

I think that until I’m able to write in the morning like I prefer, I’ll probably be missing Friday evenings. I promise you, it’s not because I have something important to do.

I’m generally pretty much a homebody. I like to come home, get comfortable and just be. I don’t have a whole lots of drive to get up and go out just for the sake of being somewhere else.

Red sofa

Red sofa (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I don’t mind going places with people, or going over to friends’ houses. I just don’t particularly care for any event with no agenda. ‘Going for drinks’ or ‘going to the bar’ or ‘going drinking’ does’t really hold much appeal for me. I’ll meet people for dinner at a bar. I don’t care in the slightest if we go to the bar to watch a sporting event.

The main thing is, I want there to be something more to me going someplace than just drinking. It bores me when that’s the only planned activity. I would much rather go to dinner, or listen to some live music, or watch a movie with friends. I digress.

I pretty much turn off for the evening when I get home Friday. I tend to put off writing because I treat Friday night like the weekend, and I don’t write on the weekend.

So, until I can be on my preferred schedule, Fridays are probably out.

Lost a Day

I definitely lost a day today.

Circling Friday the 13th date on calendar with...

Circling Friday the 13th date on calendar with marker (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I was pretty out of it this morning when I got up. I was tired and didn’t really want to move. So I curled up and tried to spend some time waking up. This obviously result in me dozing back off for a few minutes. That did not help my sleepiness.

I kind of went through getting ready for work in a zombie-like fashion. Slow movements, very little thinking. I’m not usually quite that bad, but it was rough this morning.

Then I got to work and started my projects. Everything seemed to go okay. At least, everything seemed okay until around lunch time. I realized that I didn’t know what day it was. I was completely lost. I had no idea the day of the week, or the date, or the month. completely lost on what I was doing.

Later, my brain somehow had decided that no matter what the truth was, it kind of felt like a Friday. So it must be Friday, right? Incorrect. It’s definitely Thursday. Everyone knows it’s a rookie mistake to think that your Thursday is a Friday. It just makes you disappointed for the rest of Thursday, and keeps you from enjoying your Friday because it feels like an extra day.

So I’m hoping I’m a little more coherent tomorrow. No promises, but I can try.

The truth shall set you free

They say that the truth shall set you free.

I’m not sure about that. I’ve been thinking about the difference between Truth, Facts, and Reality. It’s kind of interesting actually.

Some people believe that the Truth is infallible. Truth being defined as what is, what exists without question. I don’t think this is necessarily the case.

I think that when you’re talking about what is indisputable, it would be more accurate to talk about Facts and what is factual. Facts are the only thing that can’t be disputed. they are pieces of information that are accurate. They are Factual.

Bear Facts (film)

Bear Facts (film) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Reality also isn’t as definitive as we sometimes assume. People live in their own reality. It’s real and honest to them, but it may not be that way to other people. So it isn’t something we can say is factual.

I think the trickiest thing here is Truth. I think it’s possible to have a Truth that isn’t factual. You can’t know that though. If you exist and believe in a place that you understand to be honest and factual, that is your Truth. You see no problems with the validity of this. It’s possible to be missing some of the Facts though. This could cause your Truth to not be factual.

I know that ┬áit’s mostly all semantics, but it was just something interesting that was bouncing around my head. We use some of these words to all mean indisputable, but in actuality, Reality can be altered, and Truth can be uninformed.

Just something to ponder.

Did not forget

I did NOT forget to post today.

I know it’s late, and this will be short because of it. I did NOT forget. Since I have not been able to write when I want, I have been writing around 10 pm. Usually, I write, then finish what I need to for the evening and head to bed. Lots of times, I watch TV before bed.

Tonight I had the 2 hour season 6 finale to Sons of Anarchy that started right at 10. I did not have much extra time to write. I won’t post any spoilers here. I will make some

Sons of Anarchy Motorcycle Club

Sons of Anarchy Motorcycle Club (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

generalized references and share information.

If you haven’t seen this show, and you can tolerate violence, drama and plot twists, I recommend starting at the beginning. It’s a wonderful show. The up coming 7th season will be the final season. Over the course of the first 6, it will make you laugh, cry, and scare you. It will horrify and offend you. you will root for terrible people, and watch good people do terrible things. It’s a great show.

As for the this season’s finale specifically, I am not quite sure how to react. I didn’t expect most of the things that happened to turn out the way they did. I can say that feeling has been true over several recent episodes. I haven’t known what to expect almost this whole season. Not only am I shocked by the outcome of the finale, I literally have no reasonable guesses about what will happen in the final season.

Anything could happen.

I’m off to bed to try and sleep after that episode.