I find that it takes quite some time to recharge my patience meter.

English: A vintage ampere meter. Français : Un...

English: A vintage ampere meter. Français : Un Ampèremètre à l’ancienne. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I work in a place where I deal with the general public. I also happen to work with people who are opinionated and we don’t always share the same opinions. These two facts tend to result in some frustrating days for me.

I’m a generally affable and patient person. I really prefer to go with the flow more often than not. The trouble I run into, like many things in my life, is that my patience has a very large inertia.

It can sometime take a great deal to wear my patience thin. Once I’m frustrated, it can take an even longer time to get me back to even again. That is not a good combination most days.

It’s especially bad when I get busy with work and home things all at the same time. I never get a chance to get that patience reservoir refilled. When I’m constantly running on empty, every little thing sets me off. Which causes me to overreact, obviously.

I’m not actually frustrated at the moment. It was just something that had been floating around in my head. I’ve been working on finding stress reducers and finding time to get away for a little bit to leave everything in the rearview mirror long enough to get right again. I have found that getting away from my everyday surroundings makes a big difference for me.

I’m off to find one of those stress relieving activities as we speak!

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The Wall

I totally hit a wall today.


Wall (Photo credit: zebble)

I mean metaphorically. Though, if you know me well enough, hitting a wall literally, really doesn’t seem implausible. I digress.

We had an upgrade to the software we use at work today. I was the on site tech, and I was responsible for working with the remote specialized tech. I was there to answer any specific questions about our systems and set up, as well as be the other person’s eyes and ears. I also logged them into our stuff remotely.

The original time estimate for the series of operations that they were performing today was 6 hours. We were supposed to be out of commission from 8 this morning, until 2 this afternoon. We were actually up and running before 12 noon.

This was a really good thing. We beat our estimated time by a full 2 hours. That’s 2 extra hours that we weren’t planning to have access to our systems. It did leave me with a small dilemma. I didn’t plan on having time to do anything worthwhile today at work.

I was planning on being occupied for the full 6 hours, with possible stops for troubleshooting along the way. I figured that even if we got done right on time, that my day would be pretty much shot. I was half right.

After all the IT work was done, I just kind of drifted around aimlessly. I still did things while I was at work, but I didn’t have a lot of self-starting motivation. I just kind of waited around until someone needed me for something. I kind of hit a wall.

O h well, there’s always tomorrow

Lost a Day

I definitely lost a day today.

Circling Friday the 13th date on calendar with...

Circling Friday the 13th date on calendar with marker (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I was pretty out of it this morning when I got up. I was tired and didn’t really want to move. So I curled up and tried to spend some time waking up. This obviously result in me dozing back off for a few minutes. That did not help my sleepiness.

I kind of went through getting ready for work in a zombie-like fashion. Slow movements, very little thinking. I’m not usually quite that bad, but it was rough this morning.

Then I got to work and started my projects. Everything seemed to go okay. At least, everything seemed okay until around lunch time. I realized that I didn’t know what day it was. I was completely lost. I had no idea the day of the week, or the date, or the month. completely lost on what I was doing.

Later, my brain somehow had decided that no matter what the truth was, it kind of felt like a Friday. So it must be Friday, right? Incorrect. It’s definitely Thursday. Everyone knows it’s a rookie mistake to think that your Thursday is a Friday. It just makes you disappointed for the rest of Thursday, and keeps you from enjoying your Friday because it feels like an extra day.

So I’m hoping I’m a little more coherent tomorrow. No promises, but I can try.

Not Quite Enough

English: Street clock in Globe, Arizona, USA F...

English: Street clock in Globe, Arizona, USA Français : Horloge à Globe, Arizona, États-Unis (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

There is not quite enough time in the day.

There is just not enough time to get caught up every day with all the things you want or need to. We’re probably also short a weekday. We spend most of the weekend getting caught up on the things we weren’t able to do during the week.

I had a day just last week where I felt like What I wanted to do, What I felt like doing, What I needed to do and what I was going to do had absolutely no commonality. That’s very frustrating. Nothing was going to work itself out.

That’s another one of those times that you end up feeling helpless. Things feel out of control. It’s especially bad when you really don’t feel like doing anything, but you don’t want to be doing what you’re already doing.

If we had a few more hours in the day, and an additional weekend, we’d be ok. For awhile anyway. What really needs to change is society. We’re too far gone though. No way that we’re going to get our current society to back down from the run run run, go go go lifestyle we’ve created.

We could always shorten the work day. That would allow us a little more time each day. Trouble with that is, people are blinded by money. We all think that the more we work, the more money we’ll all make. That’s completely untrue.

As a country, the USA is less productive per hour than other countries. It’s because we’re all unhappy at work, we’re stressed and overworked, and we put a higher value on working, than efficiency and results.

Maybe one of these days we’ll stop being stubborn long enough to see that other countries have it figured out. Until then, we’re going to keep having days with too few hours.

I Told You

No one really likes being told what to do.

That is, in fact, one of my least favorite things. I do not like my every move being dictated to me. I don’t like having no choice in what I will be doing.

I can say, that there is some comfort in knowing exactly what you need to do. Knowing what you need to do, and being left to get it done has a certain charm to it. That why I sometimes miss the warehouse.

Warehouse, Green Logistics Co., Kotka, Finland

Warehouse, Green Logistics Co., Kotka, Finland (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I worked in an auto parts warehouse for a summer. It was hard work. Lots of lifting and carrying and moving. There were expectations about how much you were supposed to get done. It could be boring at times. At the end of the day, though, I walked in to work every day with a start time, an end time and a clear set of goals for the day. There’s something to be said for that.

I didn’t mind not having a lot of autonomy. It could have been almost relaxing. I didn’t realize it at the time, because I was a 19 year old working a summer job, but there was something to be said for that kind of work. I sometimes wonder if working in a warehouse or factory again would suit me.

I don’t like feeling like I have no control though. Feeling like I have no choice in what happens now or later is exceptionally frustrating. Sometimes the silence of those auto parts would be a welcome sound.


All about Attitude

Apparently, attitude is a decision.

A co-worker spent the day today reminding us that your own attitude is a decision you make. I think, for the most part, that she’s right. Generally speaking, you decide on your own attitude. There are always things that can make you feel a certain way, but you decide how you react to them.

It sounded a little new age-y and I wasn’t sure how I felt about it initially. I tend to be a very volatile and reactionary person. I have a mercurial attitude, and there are a lot of things that are able to get under my skin. I’m especially vulnerable when I’m already stressed or worn down. I do think that people don’t understand my personality sometimes.

I’m not saying that they should have to like the way I sometimes can act, because I know it could come across differently when you can’t see inside my head. I vocalize a LOT of things. When something happens, I vent. When I’m unhappy, I complain. When I get frustrated, I express that loudly and verbally. All that is just my pressure release valve. Sometimes I just need to get all of those thoughts and feelings out so that I don’t stew over them.

Caution, Relief Valve Port

Caution, Relief Valve Port (Photo credit: fatedsnowfox)

Take my reluctance to mow the lawn when I was in high school. I knew when the lawn needed mowed, but I would always wait for my dad to tell me to do it. Then I would whine and complain and mope around about how much I hated it. That never meant that I wasn’t going to do, I just wanted to get all of my complaining out first.

I know that isn’t always fair to the people who have to listen to it, but I just operate a little better that way. I think out loud. I work through my problems better out loud. I process information better out loud. I remember things better when I talk about them out loud. It’s more the act of vocalizing it than it is anything else. Just one of my quirks I guess.

All of that being said, I think my co-worker had a point. If you decide to let everyone else control your attitude, you end up feeling helpless and defensive all day. Every time something happens, it happens to you, without your consent. When you become an active participant in your own attitude, you don’t let other people determine how you feel as easily.

I’ll have to keep that in mind this week. Give a good effort at deciding how my day is going to be, and then operating within that framework. I’ll let you know if I manage to give it a solid try.

Adulthood sucks.

Straight up, being an adult sucks.

Sucks Less with Kevin Smith

Sucks Less with Kevin Smith (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

There isn’t much that adequately prepares you for the royal pain in the ass being an adult is. People think that they can go out of their way to “prepare you for the real world” but mostly it’s all crap. It just isn’t possible to simulate the flurry of shit that comes towards you on a daily basis.

School doesn’t prepare you for work. Summer jobs don’t really give you a sense of what will be expected of you later. It’s really a trial by fire kind of situation. Some of us are really pretty terrible at it.

Some of us just aren’t all that capable of handling the multiple stressors of all the things that happen in everyday life.  Some of us get to a point, far sooner than everyone else, and we just kind of shut down. It becomes hard to do anything because all of our energy got used up just trying to keep our heads on straight long enough to make it though part of the day.

Some of us end up spending more than half of the day walking around like a zombie because we’re just done. The only energy we have left is being used to keep us upright and functional. That’s it. that’s all we’ve got left.

Sorry if that means we look sad. Maybe you think we’re in a bad mood. Maybe we just don’t engage the way you’d like. Well, there’s not always anything that can be done about that. I’d say you’re lucky we’re able to move around in the world and not just crumble into a heap on the floor.

Sorry to vent, but at the moment there isn’t a lot of fire left in this boiler room. There’s a lot of treading water going on right now. You know it’s bad when you can’t make it to lunch time before you’re done for the day. I suppose we just keep trudging through, right?

Freakin’ Seriously?

What did I tell you?

I had to work late again tonight. I’m pretty tired as it has been a long week. I went to bed about 10 minute early last night. No ill effects. No real bonuses to sleep either.

I was working for about 12 hours. I came home and sat down to eat some dinner and watch a little TV. I decided to turn on the end of the baseball game. Extra innings.  So I change the channel and come back later. Still going.

At this point it’s about 10 or 10:15. I can barely stay awake. Tonight, I’ve got some things to check on, so I was planning to stay up until my usual time. Yet, I’m dozing on the couch.

This is ridiculous. I’m just going to sleep for like 12 hours both nights this weekend. I’ll show you Circadian Rhythm and Biological Clock.

English: inside one bedroom

English: inside one bedroom (Photo credit: Wikipedia)


I may have made an error in judgement…

I believe I may have over-caffeinated myself.

English: A photo of a cup of coffee. Esperanto...

English: A photo of a cup of coffee. Esperanto: Taso de kafo. Français : Photo d’une tasse de caffé Español: Taza de café (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Today I have to work late. I don’t have an exact end time, but I’m working for free on overtime until somewhere around 9 pm EST. I know, lots of people work 12 hour shifts. In fact there are people here at work that have crazier hours than me. Still doesn’t mean I want to do it.

As I mentioned before, I’m kind of an inertial person. It really takes me some time to get in the groove of things. That means it also takes me time to get out of the groove of things. My standard schedule is 9-5 Mon-Fri. Anything outside of this kind of rubs me the wrong way. Not because it’s difficult or inconvenient, but mainly because it isn’t my schedule.

I’ve been accused of being inflexible (ask The Wife, she’ll tell you). I can be more flexible about somethings, but the longer I have been in a routine, the more irritated I get when I have to change that routine. I honestly can’t decide if I’m bothered by it at all.

Anywho, I thought maybe 1 extra cup of coffee wouldn’t hurt anything since I’m going to be working and not just sitting most of the evening. I may have misjudged. I’m a bit extra twitchy. I’m sure I’ll burn off the extra energy soon enough.

How’s everyone else’s Tuesday?

Busy Busy!

I apologize for my negligence.

I have been very busy lately. It has made it hard to write when I’d like. I wish my brain was more focused and functional before I went to work in the morning. Starting the day off with some excellent writing would certainly set a great tone for the rest of the day.

Unfortunately, I’m lucky I can do more than stumble out the door in the morning. I tend to watch some sort of moving picture between getting ready for work, and actually leaving for work. Usually something on Netflix. I just can’t get myself moving very fast.

I do much better when I can wake up at my own pace. I’m afraid that just isn’t an option for me though. I’m sure many people can relate. Once we get to a certain point in our lives, we don’t make a large part of our own schedule. I have to be at work by  9 am EST, so unless I get up at 6 am, I don’t get a lot of time to get woken up.

If I did get up that early(early for me, I know it’s not that bad) it would probably take me even longer to get woken up and moving. I already get some strange looks for setting my alarm at 7:15 when I don’t need to leave until 8:30 or so.

Blue alarm clock

Blue alarm clock (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It doesn’t make writing any easier when my brain shuts down every time I get busy. I will do my best to take a moment to write though if I get an idea. I have a few small windows of opportunity throughout the day, and if I get a spark of inspiration, I will work on getting it recorded no matter the time or place.