Since You’ve Been Gone…

It feels like I’ve been chewin’ on tinfoil.  (bonus points if you know where that’s from)

I know that I haven’t been around. There’s a reason for that. I also know that that the only person that feels like I’m letting them down is me.

I have had some things going on outside of the blog, that have required my attention. I think I can also say that they are going to continue to require a great deal of my attention. I also think these are things that are best dealt with in their own space and time.

English: The spotlight model of attention.

English: The spotlight model of attention. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

That would be why I had been less verbose than before. I may also continue to have less to post than my previous everyday schedule. A large part of this also comes from my growing concern that I was just throwing fluff up on the internet for people to read.

When I first started here, I was able to post opinions, musings, and worldviews that seemed as if they needed to be shared. I had something to say every day, and the responsibility and routine of that was very nice for me. Now that some of those musings have slowed down a little bit, I don’t really want to be forcing something on to the page that just isn’t worth reading, writing, or sharing.

That’s why I’m thinking that I’m not going to commit to a firm schedule for writing here, but I’m also not giving up. I am going to ATTEMPT to write 2 or 3 times a week. I admit that this may not always happen. I will say that if it isn’t happening, it has more to do with not having something to say than it does laziness in regards to posting.

In case you were wondering, I will probably still be writing a few things, but they may not be for posting. I will continue to work on things to share here though, in addition to musings. There may still be the occasional poem or story.

Now on to an actual musing to kick this thing off right!

I have been listening to a podcast called Stuff To Blow Your Mind. I’ve been listening for awhile, but the most recent one happened to mention some things that I’d been pondering a bit anyway. They were referencing reincarnation and some of the different interpretations of it.


One of those viewpoints is that reincarnation can exist as a metaphor to our daily life. That how we act and react from moment to moment can set the stage or establish a pattern for the next and subsequent moments. That sort of tied into something that has been bouncing around in my head. People frequently say that a way to improve your outlook on life is simply to decide to be positive. I struggle mightily with this sort of thing.

I have been striving to be more positive, and more importantly, not be so hard on myself when I feel that I have made a mistake. I’ve been pushing that much harder recently, and it can sometimes create a bit of a feedback loop. Example A: I forget to do something that I said I would. I then get upset with myself for forgetting to do that thing. I then get upset with myself for getting upset with myself. Feedback loop.

When something like that starts to happen, I find myself wondering how it is that one could simply decide to be more positive about the whole thing. How am I supposed to just DECIDE to not be so hard on myself? I understand and can buy into the idea that your approach to situations can color how you handle them. I just can’t figure out how to simply change that approach.

I guess it was just one of those things that struck a chord and got me wondering.



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Moth to flame

My attention is all over the place right at the moment.

I am a fluttering moth in a chamber filled to bursting with glass-covered flames. Everywhere I turn I see another spectacle of heat and light dancing as if the music would never stop.

I flit from one to the next never getting to touch it. I can only see, be intrigued, then bounce off the glass.

Every barrier averts my attention to the next flickering fire faerie. Every flame captivates my whole attention and consumes me. Every moment completely focused until I move along.

Maybe soon I might alight. Maybe I’ll be able to perch and stare into that softly bouncing light. I won’t ram my body against the glass cage it’s housed in. Maybe soon.

Until then I will just continue to flutter and flit through the flicker and fire.


Flame (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Attention (In Which Men Are Condemned And Women Are Excused)

Since I’m not sure I want to address stripper poles for fear of… well I’m not really sure, but good things can’t come from that.
I thought I’d touch on a point made in the aforementioned post; women love attention.
I tend to agree with that statement, but there are some things that bother me about the concept.
Let’s start here; women love to get attention. Who doesn’t? The difference between men and women in this circumstance happens to be the kind of attention desired. Women want people to pay attention to them because when men do, they feel attractive or desirable, and when women do, they feel like those women are jealous of them or want to be them. Completely reasonable reactions. Thing is, men love that same attention just as much, but for different reasons.

Men want girls to pay attention to them because it makes them proud of themselves. When a woman is paying attention, he must be doing something right. They want other men to pay attention to them, because they think the other men are proud of them for something.

Short version: Women want admiration, men want approval.

What really amuses me about all this is the differing views on the attention once it’s given. Let’s start with the men this time. When a man goes out of his way to attract attention, he’s pleased by every little bit of that approval he’s seeking. It’s that validation he’s craving, whether it’s positive or negative. He’s succeeded at his goal.

When a woman gets the admiration they’ve gone the extra mile to attract, whether she’s pleased ab0ut it is handled on a case by case basis. It doesn’t really matter if the attention is positive or negative, how she views it it evaluated by some hidden criteria known only to her.

That’s where it takes a weird turn. If a woman wears a very low-cut top, a negative comment made by a desirable man is alright, where a positive comment made by an undesirable man is offensive.  Ladies can wear that short skirt, but shame on me for looking! but only if they didn’t want me to look in the first place… If they wanted me to then it’s ok. What sense does that make?

Seriously, no sense at all.