Well, Well, Well…

That’s a deep subject, I know. (Ba-dump, Tsss.)

I have to apologize for that. I haven’t been around for much too long, and the first thing I put up on the screen is a terrible pun. I am so sorry for that. And now I’m not sorry anymore. Ha!

At some point I’m going to have to stop writing re-introduction posts. My lack of skill in true multi-tasking precludes me from being able to concentrate on a multitude of things at once. I get busy with one or two things, and I get completely sidetracked from so many other things!

Multitasking (work desktop)

Multitasking (work desktop) (Photo credit: FransBadger)

I really meant to be writing one or two times a week. I managed to put that off. I’ve even been trying to write this very post for 4 days now. I haven’t been reading, or writing, or blogging like I should. These are the things that keep me sane. These are the sorts fo things that keep me mentally engaged.

It’s very easy for me to spend my days sitting and trying to recharge for the next round of crazy. I really should be doing little things that help me recharge in an active way so that I don’t create bad habits.

Soon enough, there’s going to be plenty of outside work to do, which is always pretty tiring for me. It’s rewarding to make the outside of a house and yard look nice, but it can be pretty exhausting. It also is the sort of thing that requires plenty of maintenance so the work is always on the horizon.

Here’s pushing for active relaxation in the coming days!

 

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Patience

I find that it takes quite some time to recharge my patience meter.

English: A vintage ampere meter. Français : Un...

English: A vintage ampere meter. Français : Un Ampèremètre à l’ancienne. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I work in a place where I deal with the general public. I also happen to work with people who are opinionated and we don’t always share the same opinions. These two facts tend to result in some frustrating days for me.

I’m a generally affable and patient person. I really prefer to go with the flow more often than not. The trouble I run into, like many things in my life, is that my patience has a very large inertia.

It can sometime take a great deal to wear my patience thin. Once I’m frustrated, it can take an even longer time to get me back to even again. That is not a good combination most days.

It’s especially bad when I get busy with work and home things all at the same time. I never get a chance to get that patience reservoir refilled. When I’m constantly running on empty, every little thing sets me off. Which causes me to overreact, obviously.

I’m not actually frustrated at the moment. It was just something that had been floating around in my head. I’ve been working on finding stress reducers and finding time to get away for a little bit to leave everything in the rearview mirror long enough to get right again. I have found that getting away from my everyday surroundings makes a big difference for me.

I’m off to find one of those stress relieving activities as we speak!

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Holiday Stress

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It’s that time of the year.

I don’t usually have problems on actual holidays. I understand that sometimes holidays can be stressful for people. There’s a lot of family interaction, and there is a lot of opportunity there for extra stress.

My stress always comes in the couple of weeks leading up to big holidays. Especially Christmas. It’s the planning that gets me.

I have trouble planning gifts very far in advance. I always have good intentions, and then ideas get side tracked, or I never get to the stores to enact my grand vision. I’m sort of okay this year, but I’m not done yet and that is definitely creeping around in the back of my mind.

I’m also really bad at planning visits. I’m awful at doing anything that isn’t already pre-decided. If the exact date of when I’m doing something with someone for the holidays isn’t the same from year to year, I’m going to have trouble figuring it out. Like this year. Then it gets put off, and people get grouchy, and I know it’s my fault for being bad at planning.

So that’s where my holiday stress happens. I don’t buy into the crazed shopping thing. I don’t get too worked up about the decorations. I don’t have too much trouble actually visiting with the relatives on the day of the holiday. I just can’t plan worth a shit.

I feel like that’s going to continue to cause problems until I get it solved.

Oh well.

Just Relax, and Focus.

I’m trying, I swear.

On the advice of a reader and fellow blogger, I will be taking a look at some options for meditation. I think it’s something that will likely help me stay centered, relaxed and focused. Which I need.

If you’ve been around a while, you know that I’m a few things: Easily stressed, easily overwhelmed, Overly emotional/reactionary, and I don’t relax easily. That’s kind of a volatile combination. I’m aware of it, and it’s one of the reasons I took up yoga.

Meditation

Meditation (Photo credit: Moyan_Brenn)

As a mostly sedentary life-form, I knew I needed to find some sort of activity that would at the very least get me to move more than my remote control thumb. I also recognized that I have some emotional instability that could use some attention. So I looked for something that would benefit body and mind in equal measure. Yoga is definitely an improvement.

Given my tendencies to let future concerns worry me and my reactionary nature, it can be hard to use some of the ‘Be present in the moment’ lessons from my yoga practice. I think that I am getting a lot of what I need physically from yoga at the moment, but maybe the mental and emotional side needs a little more attention than my classes are providing.

That’s why I am taking advice to heart and I will be looking for some meditation techniques. Some of the more common techniques haven’t worked for me as of yet, but I might be able to find an uncommon one that suits me better. I am after all an uncommon person.

Aside from that, I am looking forward to the rest of this week. I have a small surprise planned for tomorrow, and the weekend might actually be relaxing for me. Along with my recent haircut, that I have been exceptionally happy with, decent HandEgg (American Football) from my teams, and the start of Basketball season, Things might just be getting upbeat enough to take away from work-based frustrations.

We will just have to see

Slowly, slowly.

I’m moving at a slow rate of speed.

Photo of a Florida Box Turtle (Terrapene carol...

Photo of a Florida Box Turtle (Terrapene carolina bauri). Taken in Jacksonville, Florida, USA. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I’m tired. Physically and mentally, and it’s got me moving and thinking at a slower rate of speed than normal. Everything seems to be happening faster around me, and I’m just kind of slogging through. It’s not fun.

It’s frustrating to feel not only out of control, but powerless to change direction. Not pleasant to feel unable to keep up with the things happening around you either. Constant frustration leads only to anger.

I don’t like feeling slow. I prefer to feel like I’m out front of the crowd. Being ahead of the pack, means I can see more of what’s ahead of me than anyone else. This feeling sluggish gets on my nerves.

The worst part if feeling like I’m thinking slowly. I want to have a snappy and responsive mental capacity. It’s something I’m used to. I don’t shift gear very quickly or well. So I don’t want to feel any way but sharp.

It’s just plaing annoying.

Pop Emotions

Isn’t it interesting how the media we experience everyday can affect us in extremely profound ways?

I watched a television show that was doing a special episode having to do with the death of a character/actor. The character’s mother said something that really caught my attention. She said “but I would always think, ‘how do they wake up every day?’ I mean, how do they…how do they breathe, honey? But you do wake up. And for just a second, you forget. And then, oh, you remember.”

That split-second when you forget about something as painful as death, or the overwhelming feeling of stress you’ve been dealing with, or any other pain or loss. That one second when you heard something to make you forget or laugh. That one instant when you weren’t awake enough or were too focused to remember to be in pain. It’s beautiful and fleeting. It’s one of the small miracles of how we deal with insufferable pain.

Like everything else, we humans can’t let it be. Then we remember. It all comes crashing back in wave bigger than it had been before. Like a Tsunami, it’s worse for having been gone for that moment.

We all deal with pain, grief, and loss. We sometimes have time when stress and responsibility overwhelm us. It isn’t something we can avoid. When it’s really the crushing weight of something serious. When it’s something that pulls the tears from your eyes because you’ve just run out of other things to say and do, remember those instants of clarity.

Hold on to those seconds. Keep those moments close. When you catch yourself in one, draw it out. We all feel wrong when we stop being sad when we know we ought to be. Sometimes it’s those moments that get us through. The quiet joke, or the peaceful sigh.

It will all come rushing and crashing back. It will. It always does right after. Just try to hold tight to those seconds when it wasn’t. Sometimes that’s all you can hold on to.

Waves crashing

Waves crashing (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I need a Vacation

No really, I need some time away from people.

I need to get more than a couple of days off. I could use a day or two to get caught up on home responsibilities. Get all of that out of the way.

then I need to take a couple of days to just go away. Like, into the woods, by a lake, with just food, books and paper to write/draw on. Or I could do out to the beach. I dig the beach. Especially in the fall when the evil sun is less prevalent.

English: Pismo Creek estuary, Pismo Beach. tak...

English: Pismo Creek estuary, Pismo Beach. taken from Addie Vacation Townhomes trail. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I’m not trying to complain this time. I’m just making an observation. I haven’t really been able to find a way to get the batteries fully recharged recently. My job is such that I have to deal with a lot of people and a fair amount of stress most days.

I believe myself to be an introvert, who happens to be good at conversation. I may be fine at a gathering of people, but I generally prefer quiet/just music and solitude/less interaction.

I’m able to just about get myself recharged enough to function the next day. Then I use the weekends to make a big push to be functional for the week. That typically means that I’m pretty wiped out at the end of the work day. Which usually results in a desire to be a bum the rest of the evening.

I just need to get a full recharge under my belt. I’m not sure how I’m going to make that happen though. I might have time to get away for a day or two, but I’m certainly not going to get a week or half a week off of work.

C’est la vie I suppose.