Tomorrow it begins

Tomorrow begins the gladiator season.

American football player in action with ball

American football player in action with ball (Photo credit: yago1.com)

Football. Probably more accurately HandEgg. Full of carrying and throwing and uncontrolled violence.

I may write a post about the nature of HandEgg later. It’s been a controversial topic of sorts recently. There’s been a lot of talk about concussions and safety and long term effects of the sport on its players.

I’ll need some time to organize my thoughts, but I think a full post about it is well in order.

Until then, I’ll be enjoying the brightly colored and exciting violence tomorrow along with lots of other people.

Onward!

Soon…

It’s coming, and I can’t wait.

I can already feel the way the wind picks up and the air sighs in the evenings.

I feel the little nip of chill in the air like kittens playfully biting at my face and neck.

I can smell the warm, spicy smells floating out of the indoors to warm your soul before you go inside to warm your body.

I’m already waiting for the slashing, cold rain to make the day dim a magical.

I see my breath rising in the air, wispy  like the tendrils of a sea-monster or an Elder God.

I can’t wait to hear the crack and snap of brittle leaves as they turn from fiery halos on trees, to tree graveyards on the ground.

It’s almost here, and I can’t wait for fall.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

English: Vineyard in Napa Valley

English: Vineyard in Napa Valley (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Terror

Do you know what terror is?

Mind-numbing, soul-gripping terror?

That single moment when all of existence seems to freeze and crystallize.

Things seem to be happening but time is still.

Your breath catches in your throat, and you can feel your pulse pounding loud and hard and fast.

It’s in your ears, your hands, and your gut, just pumping away.

Your eyes widen and your mouth hangs open in a silent scream.

That single moment of pure, uncut, unadulterated terror.

It’s followed by he shadow of terror.

In an effort to avoid that feeling you jump at every twitch and sound.

Sights and sounds constantly threaten you with the possibility that they might be full of that terror you felt once before.

Things are never quite the same.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Scream

Scream (Photo credit: anguila40)

Is It Nap Time Yet?

I feel like it should be nap time by now.

I woke got up his morning, and I was definitely not awake. I’m still pretty much only half awake. While I pride myself on being able to make it through the day only using a fraction of my mental capacity, it would really be nice to have it all available. It currently is sitting in the back of my mind, curled up in a  comfy chair wearing pajamas drinking tea, doing a cross word and Sudoku. When I attempt to address it, I simply get scoffed at and ignored, and then My Mental Capacity goes back to his crossword.

Typically, I spend the majority of my day mentally coasting through, with the occasional glance to Mental Capacity where he chimes in with some grand insight, then goes back to work on other pursuits. Normally he’s sitting at a desk, in a 3-piece suit. Jacket off, reading glasses on sleeves rolled up, clearly working on something requiring great attention. He is of the opinion that we are more important than we are. It’s with his urging that I declared myself a genius.

The biggest problem is that My Mental Capacity is an all-star, while My Motivation, and My Physical Ability are more like people who’s mother pays for their friends. Motivation has never been particularly adept. He tends to be good at finding ‘reasons not to’ as opposed to ‘reasons to’. That’s not a good look Motivation. At some point he should probably get out of his robe and bunny slippers(even if they are awesome Monty Python Killer Rabbit Slippers). Physical Ability is just a guy with ADHD that can’t focus on anything long enough to build up sufficient skill at it. The poor guy just isn’t all that good at anything.

Monty Python Killer Rabbit Slippers

Monty Python Killer Rabbit Slippers (Photo credit: Megan Taylor)

I need someone to pay me to just give them ideas. Is this a thing? Would people pay me copious amounts of money to just give them ideas? I feel like they should.

 

Unfocused

I’m definitely feeling all sorts of unfocused at the moment.

English: Unfocused picture of Kagee taking a p...

English: Unfocused picture of Kagee taking a photo of his webcam. ‪Norsk (bokmål)‬: Ufokusert bilde av User:Kagee mens han tar bilde av webcam’et sitt. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This pretty much includes everything. Like say my music at the moment. I work in a place where I am able to play most any music I want at a reasonable volume. Most of the time I use Spotify. I tend to prefer making my own play lists for my music listening enjoyment. I am currently bouncing between a small Country playlist, Jack Johnson, Bruno Mars, Bob Marley, Red Hot Chili Peppers and Gorillaz. That is about as random an assortment as you’re likely to find.

I’m kind of that way with lots of other stuff too. When I’m at home after work, enjoying free time, I’m busy looking at computer games deciding which one I want to play. Maybe I’d rather boot up Photoshop? Nah how about some 3D modeling in Blender? Nope, maybe I should take some photos… I could always go to the massive bookshelf in the office. There’s a solid 30 books I could be reading there.

I am all over the board recently. I tend to exist in a state of chaos, so this isn’t entirely unfamiliar territory. I just end up feeling a little lost and unaccomplished. I like to accomplish things. I like to have something to show for time spent. When I get kind of out of focus like I am right now I end up feeling like I’m always wasting time, no matter what I’m doing.

Hopefully I’ll get working on something that will demand my attention. I get the best results that way, and I end up feeling I’m accomplishing something to boot!

I’ll just wander over here and see if it’s this way…

                                                                                                                                                                                                                              

Are you a focused or unfocused person? Which do you prefer?

Status Please

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure

Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure (Photo credit: Wikipedia)  Be Excellent!

I think I’m feeling a “I’m awesome, you’re awesome let’s keep being awesome,” status update today.

I really think the post on Medium went over awesome. I’m sure I have a few of you guys to thank for that. I’m thinking I might post something over there from time to time. I will link to it here. Less effort for you if you happen to be interested. I’m thinking around once a week over there, maybe just on the weekends when I’m not already being great friends here with you guys! Besides, can’t be using up all my good post ideas in a hurry by posting 2 different places.

I think things are going great here at inkling. I think I’ve gotten into a groove, and I’ve gotten a bit of a rapport with a lot of you. I’m really happy with the way that this has worked out. Aside from a few days where I can’t make it to the computer long enough to write, I’ve been able to keep up with my posts. I’s exciting for me to be writing and even more exciting that you guys are reading.

I know stats aren’t that big of a deal, but it really does help that I know people are reading. It makes me feel like I’m not talking to a wall when you guys stop by, and I want to thank you for that. Stats are how I know you guys are taking a look, even if you didn’t have anything to say while you were here. Again, thank you for that. I know there are lots f different kinds of people who stop in, and not everyone has something to say all the time. That’s cool, I’m glad you stopped by anyway.

I was thinking of occasionally posting things other than writing up here. I don’t have anything in mind, but it could be photos, sketches or other artwork. Is that of interest to anyone? or are we in a “we come for the writing!” situation. Either is good, I just thought it might be interesting to mix it up from time to time.

Thanks again, this is a great place for me to be me and you guys to be whoever you are. It’s been awesome, and I plan on it staying that way!

                                                                                                                                                                                                                  

Is there anything you’d like to see/see more of around here? Anything you’d like to see less of? Just curious.

Just over there…

I found out about a new-ish site today called Medium. I was introduced to it through Janelle. I signed up so that I could recommend her post, and I got an invite to write as well as read. I decided to go for it and be adventurous. Maybe get some writing in front of some new eyes.

It’s right over here:  https://medium.com/this-happened-to-me/393363655f54

It would be great if you wouldn’t mind taking a look there. Don’t feel obligated to sign up or anything, but I wouldn’t be upset about any recommendations over there. It’s kind of like one big blog with multiple writers and categories. No comments, but you can recommend or share.

Feel free to recommend there, or talk about it here on this post.

Thanks!

Typewriter

Typewriter (Photo credit: mikeymckay)

 

 

Deep, cleansing breaths…

One of those mornings.

Jenga

Jenga (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Where everything feels like it’s out to get you? Every little piece of everything just adds another piece to your Jenga tower of frustration. I’m very close to being a bad sport and flipping over the table we’re playing on.

I probably need to go take my version of a smoke break and just sit and breathe. That always seems to help frustration. Of course mentioning it on here typically seems to get some of the vitriol flowing out instead of seething within.

I don’t even need to complain per se, I just need to get the words moving and shifting on the page and it seems to help. It’s hard to be furious and frustrated when you’re forming and shaping words.

One of the things that wasn’t so much a big problem as a minor frustration that only seemed like a problem is because of the rest of the morning had to do with this here blog. Apparently, WordPress and Facebook had a little tiff, and none of my posts since June 14th have been publicized over on Facebook. Since I only keep FB around to connect with old friends, I hadn’t really noticed. So that’s a little annoying.

As I’ve only recently(as in the last 6 months or so) actually blogged consistently I don’t have what could be called a large audience yet. Using the publicize feature was one of the ways I was getting the page in front of eyes. So it was a little disheartening that there was all that time that people could have been stopping by that maybe thought I had given up again.

Oh well. Time to try to knockout a few bits of work I have waiting, eat some lunch food, and take some deep breaths. Not necessarily in that order. Maybe I’ll be able to relax by the time I go home.

Maybe.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                         

How do you deal with ‘those mornings’?

Crackle

I saw it as soon as I stepped out the door. It was flitting and glowing like a living thing. I was intrigued, as always.

I walked toward the light. I knew what it was. I knew what it would feel like. I craved it.

As I stood over the little monster, the heat oozed across my upper body. It made the cold beer in my hand feel colder.

It always amazed me when someone raised their own little creature. They would build it a cage, and then nurse it to life.

It would start low and quiet. More smell and breeze that living heat. You have to be careful with it. It like to be fed.

After you get it living and moving it grows on it’s own. It will keep growing as long as you keep feeding it. It would overwhelm it’s enclosure if you let it.

I stared at it as it wriggled. It moved and hissed. It cracked and pooped and spit. It wanted more to eat, but it hadn’t finished what we’d given it.

I knew what would happen tonight. We would raise it and feed it, treat it like a family pet. We would watch it dance in it’s cage for our amusement. We would be careful not to feed it too much. Then we would let it die, or we would kill it.

Next week we’ll do the same thing. I can’t wait.

Campfire

Campfire (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Pop Culture Craving

I’m seriously craving a few things.

Crave

Crave (Photo credit: thebittenword.com)

Most of the time, the term ‘craving’ deals with food. Not always, but that is where you will hear it used most frequently. I get the occasional food craving, but the majority of my cravings have to do with pop culture or activities. This is weird, I know, but stay with me.

Right now I’ve got several cravings vying for my attention. I want to do some more 3-d modeling(the computer generated image kind),  I want to try playing guitar again, I’ve got 3 or 4 shows on Netflix I want to finish, I’ve also got 2 series of books I want to re-read, and some old Stephen King I want to re-read or read for the first time. I want to watch horror movies that I know I’ll regret watching.

I’m pretending to be an adult. I have a job that is officially 41 hours a week, that I occasionally have to fill in more hours for. I own a home with The Lovely Wife, and all the responsibilities contained therewith. I’m not busier than anyone else, but I’m not really swimming in free time. I don’t have enough time to satisfy all these cravings. I certainly don’t have the time if I continue to do all my everyday things in lieu of picking one of those things up.

I know that I’m over thinking it, I always do that. I’m worried about getting part way through something and then either losing focus or getting too busy. I’m trying to finish other shows or books or video games before I start something new. IT all boils down to the fact that I want to absorb too much information and I don’t have enough time to do it!

I think I need to start planning a vacation. I know you’re thinking it. I’ll go ahead and say it, “But you just went on a vacation!” I did. I’m beginning to think I need to plan several small vacations every year just for getting some of my crazy cravings out of my system. I’m serious. I think maybe I should take a week off every 3 or 4 months, and just binge on information. Spend a week living in the dark and just doing whatever I want 24 hours a day with no responsibilities or schedule. I strongly suspect this is implausible.

I think that may be my natural state of being. I am a creature of whim and impulse. I have strong desires to do things and I’m not always sure where they come from or there intended result. I naturally thrive in a system of ordered chaos. I tend to operate naturally in a place where I am isolated but able to reach out. Where no one expects anything of me and I am able to act completely without conscience. It’s a strange feeling knowing that one may be best suited to living in a cave by oneself.

As we all know, that’s not how life works. We have responsibilities and jobs. In the future, I’ll have Munchkins. Part of what makes us human, living in a society with other humans is the ability to rise above our base urges. Some people don’t need to do as much rising. Some people are naturally suited to burying themselves in their work. If they start early they may have no one to satisfy but themselves. Some people desire only to care after their children and are afforded that opportunity.

The rest of us are needed to rise above those urges. It’s what makes us a society. I do think the vacation thing is a good idea. Everyone needs some time to be who they naturally are. Within reason of course.