Just Relax, and Focus.

I’m trying, I swear.

On the advice of a reader and fellow blogger, I will be taking a look at some options for meditation. I think it’s something that will likely help me stay centered, relaxed and focused. Which I need.

If you’ve been around a while, you know that I’m a few things: Easily stressed, easily overwhelmed, Overly emotional/reactionary, and I don’t relax easily. That’s kind of a volatile combination. I’m aware of it, and it’s one of the reasons I took up yoga.

Meditation

Meditation (Photo credit: Moyan_Brenn)

As a mostly sedentary life-form, I knew I needed to find some sort of activity that would at the very least get me to move more than my remote control thumb. I also recognized that I have some emotional instability that could use some attention. So I looked for something that would benefit body and mind in equal measure. Yoga is definitely an improvement.

Given my tendencies to let future concerns worry me and my reactionary nature, it can be hard to use some of the ‘Be present in the moment’ lessons from my yoga practice. I think that I am getting a lot of what I need physically from yoga at the moment, but maybe the mental and emotional side needs a little more attention than my classes are providing.

That’s why I am taking advice to heart and I will be looking for some meditation techniques. Some of the more common techniques haven’t worked for me as of yet, but I might be able to find an uncommon one that suits me better. I am after all an uncommon person.

Aside from that, I am looking forward to the rest of this week. I have a small surprise planned for tomorrow, and the weekend might actually be relaxing for me. Along with my recent haircut, that I have been exceptionally happy with, decent HandEgg (American Football) from my teams, and the start of Basketball season, Things might just be getting upbeat enough to take away from work-based frustrations.

We will just have to see

Tired

Hammock - Polynesia.

Hammock – Polynesia. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I’m just gonna lay down right here…

I am tired. Physically and mentally. Long days, not quite enough sleep, and yoga twice a week will do that to a guy.

I’m not able to get extra sleep. I just don’t work that way. If I go to bed earlier than about 11:45 EST, I wake up way too early. So I’m stuck with just being tired.

That certainly doesn’t help my ability to handle responsibility and stress. Not that I have an exceptionally high ability for those things anyway.

I did go to bed early last night, but only because I was tired early. I need a hammock.

 

It would have to be in the garage or something. Ohio weather is not all that conducive to year-round outdoor hammock-ing. I’m also not sure that we have any interior walls sturdy enough to hold a hammock unless we look at the cinder block in the basement.

Also a drink with an umbrella in it. I feel like a hammock and an umbrella drink are helpful for rest.

I may have learned too much about life from cartoons.

Pop Emotions

Isn’t it interesting how the media we experience everyday can affect us in extremely profound ways?

I watched a television show that was doing a special episode having to do with the death of a character/actor. The character’s mother said something that really caught my attention. She said “but I would always think, ‘how do they wake up every day?’ I mean, how do they…how do they breathe, honey? But you do wake up. And for just a second, you forget. And then, oh, you remember.”

That split-second when you forget about something as painful as death, or the overwhelming feeling of stress you’ve been dealing with, or any other pain or loss. That one second when you heard something to make you forget or laugh. That one instant when you weren’t awake enough or were too focused to remember to be in pain. It’s beautiful and fleeting. It’s one of the small miracles of how we deal with insufferable pain.

Like everything else, we humans can’t let it be. Then we remember. It all comes crashing back in wave bigger than it had been before. Like a Tsunami, it’s worse for having been gone for that moment.

We all deal with pain, grief, and loss. We sometimes have time when stress and responsibility overwhelm us. It isn’t something we can avoid. When it’s really the crushing weight of something serious. When it’s something that pulls the tears from your eyes because you’ve just run out of other things to say and do, remember those instants of clarity.

Hold on to those seconds. Keep those moments close. When you catch yourself in one, draw it out. We all feel wrong when we stop being sad when we know we ought to be. Sometimes it’s those moments that get us through. The quiet joke, or the peaceful sigh.

It will all come rushing and crashing back. It will. It always does right after. Just try to hold tight to those seconds when it wasn’t. Sometimes that’s all you can hold on to.

Waves crashing

Waves crashing (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Why doesn’t my body listen to my Brain?

It’s like they don’t bother communicating.

I’m tired. Both my brain and my body seem to notice that I could use some rest. Being that I pretend to be a responsible adult, I could decide to go to bed early tonight. The thought would be that if I go to bed an hour and a half early, I would get an extra hour and a half of sleep. I couldn’t be more wrong.

My typical sleep schedule is from 12 am – 7:15 am. Not great, but not a terrible amount of sleep either. Sometimes I get tired earlier than that and think I should go to bed early. This almost always results in waking up every 40 minutes starting at 5 am. I have no idea why. So far the earliest I’m able to go to bed with no ill effects is about 15 minutes early.

This makes no sense to me. I should be able to go to bed early and get extra sleep. This would result in a clear mind and refreshed body for tomorrow. It just isn’t the case. That’s exceptionally frustrating. I know I could get more sleep on a nightly basis, but at least let me get extra when I need it.

It’s just like my body is insistent that I can’t sleep more than a set amount of time, no matter how inconvenient the outcome.

This is why I need naps.

2 kittens taking a nap

2 kittens taking a nap (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The Whispers

I used to hear the whispers all the time. It used to be quieter, easier to hear them. Not so much anymore

 

They’re still there. I know they are. They’re always there. Mumbling and grumbling and hissing just outside of my range of hearing. They used to be easy to hear. Now it’s all too loud

A chimpanzee brain at the Science Museum London

A chimpanzee brain at the Science Museum London (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It’s too loud at work and at home. Everyone needs something from me and I can’t sit in the quiet. It never stayed quiet for long, the whispers always came.

 

Whispers came and gave me ideas. They explored and fleshed out those ideas. They talked and talked while i listened and remembered.

 

It was easier to hear the whispers as a child. I realize that now. It’s just one more thing children can hold over our heads.

 

I miss the whispers. They were always pushing and prodding me. They encouraged me to grow.

 

Now all the things going on around me distract from the whispers

 

I wish they would come back.

 

That would figure

Medicine

Medicine (Photo credit: DonnaGrayson)

So remember the other day when I had a sore throat?

Guess what? Full blown cold of some sort. Nose, throat, cough. That, is just super.

The only thing more obnoxious than being sick in the winter, when everyone else is sick? Is being sick all by yourself during the summer like a freak.

I may think that summer is a stupid season. I may despise the sun and his heated UV rays. I may hate mowing the grass. The one thing summer has going for it(usually) is that I don’t have to have a cold every month, or the same one for 2 months. That’s like the ONLY thing summer is good for(except baseball, pools, sitting by the water. Ok good for a couple of things. Sue me.)

So now I’m sitting here sniffling and snuffling, coughing and sneezing like it’s freaking January.

On a brighter note, on the way home yesterday, there were some WICKED AWESOME clouds. It was a cloudy/rainy/stormy day yesterday, but it broke up early enough that the crazy clouds were there with the sun shining through. There was this cool one that looked like a black waterslide. It was shaped exactly like that, and it looked glassy smooth.

There were a lot of them that looked exactly like cotton batting. The way that they were lit from the southwest and above gave so many of them such distinct edges. Having the dark undersides just added some richness to the stark white clouds, crisp blue sky and soft golden light of the evening.

At least I have to mow tonight.

Frack.

Woof.

Woof.

Sore Throat?

Sore Throat? (Photo credit: tim ellis)

I am beat. I was out of town on.. let’s call it a celebratory weekend. There were adult beverages involved. There was lots of sun and water involved. I am tired.

The worst part is that yesterday, I seemed to have lost my voice a little bit. ‘It’s fine,’ I said, ‘No big deal. I’ll go to bed and even if it’s weird tomorrow, I just won’t talk much at work.’ Let me tell you how THAT worked out: It didn’t.

I woke up this morning with a still sore throat. So I figured less talking at work, no sweat. I had nothing but talking that I had to do today.

Also, after about 2 hours, nothing was giving up on the sore throat front. I was also super wiped out. By the afternoon, I figured out that it wasn’t just a sore throat. I have sinus issues today too.

I also had to go to the grocery store.

Don’t worry, I’m home now. I think I’ll go ahead and pass out now.

K thanks. Bye.

Busy Bee

 

Bees in a Box

Bees in a Box (Photo credit: stewickie)

I’m too busy.

I was thinking about my post yesterday, and I am definitely too busy. I know what you’re thinking,(because I’m psychic!) because I thought it too when this post idea popped into my head: If you just said that you don’t have as much to do as you think, how can you really be that busy?

Well it’s all in my perception and attitude about everything. I make myself feel busy with the way I approach everything. It’s like when someone gives you ‘busywork’ because they feel better if you’re doing something rather than nothing. It doesn’t matter what it is, or even if it’s productive so long as it keeps you busy.

That seems to be how my brain has been handling and processing information. It feels better when it’s doing nothing, or everything. It seems to be one of the ways my brain expresses it’s all or nothing mentality. It makes itself feel busy when it’s a little occupied because it doesn’t know how to properly classify the in-between experiences.

I’ve never been particularly great at operating on a spectrum. It’s always been easier for me to think in absolutes. I think that’s what it’s all about, too. Easier. I’ve always taken the easy way out. It’s always been more difficult to think about things on an ever-moving, ever-evolving spectrum.

I can handle it sometimes. Certain issues and concepts I can separate the individual pieces out and think about them one at a time. That creates a crazy amalgam of concepts. The trouble is that I still think of the individual concepts in black and white terms.

I understand the problem with this, but like someone who knows eating hot wings will give them heartburn, I just make the decision. I can lay all the pieces out on the table, I can evaluate them, I can think logically and emotionally about each one. Then I just make a decision without regard to all those individual evaluations.

I just need to work at training myself to view activities for what they are. I am typically more able to do this once the activity has started, but I need to begin to do it all the time. I need to force myself not to feel busy when I’m not actually busy. Maybe it will help me slow down and view things in the proper perspective.

Yoga 2: Judgement Day

I already posted twice today, so I’ll keep this shorter.

"TUESDAY" production sign

“TUESDAY” production sign (Photo credit: Vaguely Artistic)

I went back to Yoga today. This is like a heart-stopping thing for me. I am notorious for not following through on things. So actually sticking with it and going back was big.

Also, I’m still a little sore from Tuesday. I know what you’re thinking: How can he be sore from a Gentle Yoga class that only lasted an hour? Couple of reasons. Reason the first, because if given the option, I don’t fricking move. Sedentary. The other reason is because though it may not appear to be, Yoga can be hard. You use a lot of stabilizing muscles that don’t get attention otherwise and that can make you a little sore.

I’m going back on Tuesday.

Also, I found an app for my phone called ‘Lose it!” It’s free and lets me keep track of my calorie intake for the day. If you’re like me and when you don’t keep track of your calories it looks like you’re eating for a football team, this will help.

Alright I’m out. Gonna go ice my hip joints.

Yoga day

I won’t be going into exceptional detail about the specifics of my trip to Yoga today, I will reference it in the abstract. Also, I would like to use this sentence to say: Alright Becky, I went. I will guest post. Your move. Also how do you guest post? because I’m confused as shit about that.

Yoga Class at a Gym

Yoga Class at a Gym (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

I’ve been meaning to go to some form of moving meditation for a while now. I’ve waffled and put it off. I looked at different places different classes and whined about the cost. I looked at Yoga, Meditation, Tai Chi and something else. Today, I said ‘screw it'(with some tough love from The Wife) and I went. it was… Pleasant. I plan on returning. I also suspect that I will be sore tomorrow. In addition to that, I believe that some of the things I did tonight probably made me look ridiculous. I did not care.

In other news, I am working on a joint creative project with a previously mentioned friend o’ mine. When there’s stuff to see, I’ll let you know. Speaking of, if you like his stuff, there’s a place where you can buy prints and framed prints. Buy them. You’ll kick yourself when he’s famous one day and you’ll have to pay 10 times that for a sketch on a napkin. Don’t come crying to me, asking if I can get you some sort of close friend discount. I won’t do it. I might even tell him to charge you extra.

Last but not least, it’s getting busy around here. I will do my absolute best to make sure I continue to post every weekday(holidays excluded), but I definitely won’t hit the weekends, I have no idea what time of the day I’ll end up posting, and I might miss a day. I don’t plan on letting that happen though.

Well there’s my ‘State of the Blog Address’ as it were.

Any big changes going on with any of you?