Long Goodnight

Old Clocks

Old Clocks (Photo credit: servus)

So begins the long weekend.

I have a long weekend ahead, and it started this morning. So I wasn’t around much this evening.

There will be plenty of fun things, but there will be a lot of them. Also, as I’m generally a sit at home and enjoy quiet time person, the running around will wear me out.

Just glad Thanksgiving is next week. A day off with lots of food will do me good.

Wish me luck!

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Still Here!

No big post tonight/this morning.

It’s Friday/Saturday, and I have a full day ahead of me tomorrow. I stayed out too late tonight and now I’m super sleepy.

Mock me if you will, I will soon be donning my jammies and curling up in bed. Dreaming little dreams of me.

Something like that. Have a good weekend, I’m sure I will.

Cougar sleep

Cougar sleep (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

I was out!

Sorry I missed on Friday.

I was doing some of that extra work I mentioned before, and I just wasn’t near a computer all day. Didn’t get home until late, then wasn’t able to put pen to paper. Well, fingers to keyboard which is like a digital version of pen to paper.

English: Wacom Intuos4 Medium Pen Tablet with pen.

English: Wacom Intuos4 Medium Pen Tablet with pen. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I’m not avoiding, which is why I was okay with not being able to write. Being literally too busy to sit in front of the computer long enough to write is actually a viable excuse for me. I tend to make other excuses and rationalizations for myself. This is actually one that counts.

I had an idea for a post, the other day, but it was one of those ghost ideas that was never really fully formed. It just kind of flitted and danced at the periphery of my consciousness and perception, so I never really got a handle on how I wanted to write about it, and what I wanted to say. Then it was gone. Just not there any longer. I hate it when the good ideas do that.

I can also say, that some time in the somewhat near future, we may be looking at an arbitrary WordPress milestone post. Forewarned is forearmed. I know they aren’t the best, but I’m having fun here and I like to share the fun. ell the specifics of the fun anyway. Feel free to skip it when you see it, but it’s going to be AWE-some!

I’m still busy, but hopefully things have calmed to a dull roar for the next little bit. I’ll be sure to let you know. I should be able to stay on schedule this week, and maybe I’ll even get some big ideas to talk about!

Adulthood sucks.

Straight up, being an adult sucks.

Sucks Less with Kevin Smith

Sucks Less with Kevin Smith (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

There isn’t much that adequately prepares you for the royal pain in the ass being an adult is. People think that they can go out of their way to “prepare you for the real world” but mostly it’s all crap. It just isn’t possible to simulate the flurry of shit that comes towards you on a daily basis.

School doesn’t prepare you for work. Summer jobs don’t really give you a sense of what will be expected of you later. It’s really a trial by fire kind of situation. Some of us are really pretty terrible at it.

Some of us just aren’t all that capable of handling the multiple stressors of all the things that happen in everyday life.  Some of us get to a point, far sooner than everyone else, and we just kind of shut down. It becomes hard to do anything because all of our energy got used up just trying to keep our heads on straight long enough to make it though part of the day.

Some of us end up spending more than half of the day walking around like a zombie because we’re just done. The only energy we have left is being used to keep us upright and functional. That’s it. that’s all we’ve got left.

Sorry if that means we look sad. Maybe you think we’re in a bad mood. Maybe we just don’t engage the way you’d like. Well, there’s not always anything that can be done about that. I’d say you’re lucky we’re able to move around in the world and not just crumble into a heap on the floor.

Sorry to vent, but at the moment there isn’t a lot of fire left in this boiler room. There’s a lot of treading water going on right now. You know it’s bad when you can’t make it to lunch time before you’re done for the day. I suppose we just keep trudging through, right?

Busy Busy!

I apologize for my negligence.

I have been very busy lately. It has made it hard to write when I’d like. I wish my brain was more focused and functional before I went to work in the morning. Starting the day off with some excellent writing would certainly set a great tone for the rest of the day.

Unfortunately, I’m lucky I can do more than stumble out the door in the morning. I tend to watch some sort of moving picture between getting ready for work, and actually leaving for work. Usually something on Netflix. I just can’t get myself moving very fast.

I do much better when I can wake up at my own pace. I’m afraid that just isn’t an option for me though. I’m sure many people can relate. Once we get to a certain point in our lives, we don’t make a large part of our own schedule. I have to be at work by  9 am EST, so unless I get up at 6 am, I don’t get a lot of time to get woken up.

If I did get up that early(early for me, I know it’s not that bad) it would probably take me even longer to get woken up and moving. I already get some strange looks for setting my alarm at 7:15 when I don’t need to leave until 8:30 or so.

Blue alarm clock

Blue alarm clock (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It doesn’t make writing any easier when my brain shuts down every time I get busy. I will do my best to take a moment to write though if I get an idea. I have a few small windows of opportunity throughout the day, and if I get a spark of inspiration, I will work on getting it recorded no matter the time or place.

Busy Bee

 

Bees in a Box

Bees in a Box (Photo credit: stewickie)

I’m too busy.

I was thinking about my post yesterday, and I am definitely too busy. I know what you’re thinking,(because I’m psychic!) because I thought it too when this post idea popped into my head: If you just said that you don’t have as much to do as you think, how can you really be that busy?

Well it’s all in my perception and attitude about everything. I make myself feel busy with the way I approach everything. It’s like when someone gives you ‘busywork’ because they feel better if you’re doing something rather than nothing. It doesn’t matter what it is, or even if it’s productive so long as it keeps you busy.

That seems to be how my brain has been handling and processing information. It feels better when it’s doing nothing, or everything. It seems to be one of the ways my brain expresses it’s all or nothing mentality. It makes itself feel busy when it’s a little occupied because it doesn’t know how to properly classify the in-between experiences.

I’ve never been particularly great at operating on a spectrum. It’s always been easier for me to think in absolutes. I think that’s what it’s all about, too. Easier. I’ve always taken the easy way out. It’s always been more difficult to think about things on an ever-moving, ever-evolving spectrum.

I can handle it sometimes. Certain issues and concepts I can separate the individual pieces out and think about them one at a time. That creates a crazy amalgam of concepts. The trouble is that I still think of the individual concepts in black and white terms.

I understand the problem with this, but like someone who knows eating hot wings will give them heartburn, I just make the decision. I can lay all the pieces out on the table, I can evaluate them, I can think logically and emotionally about each one. Then I just make a decision without regard to all those individual evaluations.

I just need to work at training myself to view activities for what they are. I am typically more able to do this once the activity has started, but I need to begin to do it all the time. I need to force myself not to feel busy when I’m not actually busy. Maybe it will help me slow down and view things in the proper perspective.

High Ate Us

Get it?

I took a bit of an unexpected hiatus when I found myself getting relatively busy with things at home and my Day Job. I shouldn’t have ever let that happen, and here’s why: This is supposed to be fun.

When I get busy, I tend to cut out all responsibilities that I feel I can reasonably do without and shutdown. I end up doing nothing but the basics like, go to work, cook and clean when required, mow the lawn, shovel the driveway, eat, breathe, and sleep. IT’s my way of simplifying. The trouble is, it’s not particularly effective.

I don’t handle future obligations particularly well. I tend to dread anything I don’t really, really, want to do to such a point that I develop anxiety over whatever it is. An example would be when I get asked to work on the weekend at my Day Job. Happens on average, about 12 times a year. Not the end of the world. Yet I somehow manage to develop serious anxiety in the weeks leading up to the requested weekend. It’s almost like I think I’m going to die that weekend or something.

The point is, when I start to get busy in both the present and future tense, I shutdown. I crawl in my metaphorical turtle shell and hide, hoping no one will find me there, and maybe after I have to do all the things required of me, I can add back in a few of the things that I want to do.

What I ought to be doing is using things that I enjoy to breakup those feelings of anxiety and stress. I think we have all established by now though, I’m very adept at determining what needs to be done in any given circumstance, while being nearly incapable of actually accomplishing those things.

I guess I’m trying to say I shouldn’t have let my tippy-typing here become like a chore, so that I felt I had to let it go when I holed up in my turtle shell. This is generally pretty entertaining, in one way or another for me, so I should probably not let the entertainment seep out of it.