Well Hmmmm

Paradoxical feelings are…strange.

Paradox of Freedom: the fence

Paradox of Freedom: the fence (Photo credit: theilr)

I guess paradoxical is actually a pretty descriptive word for them. Having a feeling about something that is both exciting and maybe a little frustrating at the same time. It’s an odd combination.

I have the beginnings of an idea for something I want to write. It’s too delicate and new to be wholeheartedly excited about. I think it’s a good idea, but it needs some nurturing before I try to jump right in to it.

Hopefully I can get it to a point that I feel good really starting it in earnest. I think that it could be fun. It’s a little frustrating not being able to just move forward. I’m usually kind of impulsive with this sort of thing. I want to just push forward.

I know that that’s not the way to go. I suppose there’s something to be said for making the better choice, even though it isn’t exactly what you want to do.

I also know that I’m kind of rambling in the abstract right now. Sorry about that. If you’ve been around here before, you’ll know that being here is pretty close to being inside my head. You get what I’m thinking, how I’m thinking it.

Here’s hoping.

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The Darkness

Travelling into the darkness is magical and horrifying, all at the same time.

Darkness is everything we fear and hope. Anything can be contained within darkness. Travelling through it is a constant journey of discovery.

Our minds try to make sens of what we’re looking at. We assume we know what we’re going to see when the next sliver of light reveals that which was just hidden. The only way we can fight back the untamed horror of the unknown is to convince ourselves we know what comes next.

Darkness

Darkness (Photo credit: Roberto F.)

The only way we can keep moving into the unknown void ahead is to hope and pray that we can make assumptions about what comes next. When we can’t do that, the madness begins. The yawning chasm of terror opens ever so slightly in our souls. It’s cracks and shifts wider. Slowly, a little at a time, until that swirling maw of chaos envelops you.

Darkness is all of that. Darkness is all around us. It is what we struggle to emerge from every night. we fight to keep it at bay with out houses and walls and lights. We know that if we were to truly sit and exist in the dark, we might not know what comes next. That horrifies us beyond belief.

Darkness is what begins to approach at the beginning of every day. Even before we realize what the day can be, the countdown begins. The steady tick-tick-tick of the clock as the darkness of night grows ever closer.

If you want to know how truly close to the surface that terror is, sit a few minutes in the inky blackness of total darkness. Within moment your mind will begin to create visions of horror and chaos that you never thought you were capable of imagining. Unbidden, your mind will vividly create worlds and moments of indescribable insanity.

Know that that is what is hiding inside all of us. Ready to spring forth at a moments notice. That is what we schedule, and plan and structure to avoid. Not knowing what comes next will release that howling, swirling, driving mass of chaos. All we can do is move through the world with a plan.

We move through our days hoping that we can just stave that madness off a few moments longer. Because it is always waiting just ahead in that next darkened room.