Why Am I Not In Charge Of The World?

Everything would totally be at least twice as awesome. TWICE.

The Earth seen from Apollo 17.

The Earth seen from Apollo 17. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

What’s that? You doubt that I am capable of taking on the monumental task of feeding myself much less running the entire world?


My first order of business is a 4 day work week. 4 9-hour days. I’ll also be instituting Siestas. You know, where everyone leaves in the middle of the day to go home, eat the large meal of the day and then have a nap? HOW DO WE NOT DO THIS ALREADY?

Then we would have our lighter meal later in the evening. Less heavy stuff sitting in our stomachs all night. More rest means high productivity. I’m telling you I’ve got this figured out.

We would do a lot more bartering as well. You can barter your skills if your profession doesn’t allow you to produce “goods” as it were. This way, if you’re useless, you will either learn something useful, or you will not be our problem anymore. Aren’t I nice?

Also, I think we need to remove the warning labels off of everything. I figure if you don’t know not to eat an entire tube of toothpaste, it’s ok if you don’t reproduce. What about the children, you say? Easy. They’re the responsibility of their parents. No excuses. You need to teach your children to also not eat tubes of toothpaste. This is really working out well, don’t you think?

See? I’ve thought about this. You thought I Was just going to be all cynical and not have any suggestions, didn’t you? DIDN”T YOU?!

What should I be called? Czar? Emperor? Grand Puuba? I’m leaning towards Grand Puuba…

I think I should take tomorrow off. I’m thinking this week may be getting to me…

What would you do if YOU were in charge of the whole world?


2 thoughts on “Why Am I Not In Charge Of The World?

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