Bling Bling! (In Which I Don’t Actually Use The Word Bling)

Alright you hoodlums. Serious question here: At what age do I need to take out my two earrings to avoid being ‘that guy’?

I got my left earlobe pierced in 8th grade. It’s a little off center and at a bit of a strange angle because I let my mother do the piercing. Let me share this wonderful lesson with you.

She brought home an IV needle from where she worked. She prepared the area by putting one of her gold and diamond studs into a dish of alcohol, placing a half a potato nearby for stabbing, er, piercing surface, and getting the sterile IV needle all ready to stab me with.

The look of anticipation that covered her face at the prospect of getting to puncture me with a needle was frightening. She was really, really looking forward to it.

There were some complications with the needle. none of which had anything to do with it remaining sterile, just with it being easy to get a grip on for proper thrusting force.

After those had been resolved, mother gleefully grabbed the potato and took aim at my earlobe. Since it was an IV needle, the way it worked was this: Mother pierced my ear with the needle, like you would expect. The difference here is that the IV needle had a plastic sheathe around the outside that is meant to stay in your arm when you get an actual IV. Mother left this in my ear, which was very strange to look at in the mirror.

She then took the gold and diamond stud out of the pool of alcohol it had been marinating in, and pushed the plastic tubing out through the back of my ear. Then she clamped the back of the earring firmly onto the post.

Let’s review for anyone who might be missing where the pain enters into this; the stud had been soaking in alcohol and was coated in it. The back had been soaking in alcohol and was coated in it. These two things were inserted through and clamped directly on, respectively, an open wound. Ever get hand sanitizer in a papercut or cracked skin? Multiply that times a thousand.

Anyway, I eventually replaced the stud with a small hoop,and then later gauged, or stretched it out to a 12 gauge earring. Calm down, I can hear you hyperventilating from here. That size is the same as a 12 gauge needle, or about the same size needle they use when you give blood on the bloodmobile. Chill out.

See? Couple earrings. Calm down.

Later I got the cartilage on the top of my left ear pierced as well, and I now have a matching small hoop there. I attempted while in college to get a matching piercing for my right earlobe, but that just resulted in an infected ear as my body declined a 3rd piercing.

Well, that was a really long way around to get to the point of my question. I’m 26. When do I need to pull those bad boys out for good? Obviously if I end up employed somewhere that requires their removal that would be a good place to start.

So, what do you think?


P.S. Don’t think ill of my Mother for being excited at the prospect of stabbing me with a needle. I suspect all mothers would enjoy doing that at least once to their son’s ears.


2 thoughts on “Bling Bling! (In Which I Don’t Actually Use The Word Bling)

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