Well That’s Impressive (In Which I’m Not Actually All That Impressive)

I really want to impress you all.

Really, I swear.

The trouble is, I don’t have the most impressive things to say at the moment.

So I’m going to have to settle for impressing you with my spectacularly crazy phrasing and analogies.

Here goes:

I’ve recently developed allergies, which cause me to have sinus headaches. These headaches tend to feel like there’s a very small, very angry, imp inside my forehead with a very sharp spear that he uses to attempt to liberate himself just above my right eye. This stabbing pain doesn’t usually subside until I medicate heavily and sleep. It then resumes first thing in the morning.

How was that? Impressed yet? Here’s another:

I’ve always been a fan of coffee. I could care less about the effects of the caffiene from the  coffee, I actually enjoy the taste. For a short period of time in college I was obsessed with blended espresso drinks. I couldn’t get enough of them. I have moved away from those slightly and now greatly enjoy a cup of quality coffee. I now drink my coffee black, and I prefer a dark blend. Nothing is better than cup of dark coffee, with the boldness and complexity of a tortured anti-hero. What good is coffee if it isn’t strong enough to force you to stop drinking for a moment and decide what it is that caused you to stop in the first place.  What good is a cup of coffee without the complexity of flavors that requires a difficult mathematical equation to analyze.

That one was a little less good. Chew on that for a while.

 

-Christopher

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